Ask any girl who's gone through a breakup recently and she'll tell you the same bullshit as the next. She'll say her hearts been broken and she doesn't think she can trust any guy again. Or something along the lines of that. Ask any girl who's made home for a night in more than one guys bed and she'll say she got her heart broken and now she breaks hearts. Girls might just be saying this because they're all dramatic and think its beautiful or unique to be a broken heart that needs mended, or maybe girls actually feel this way, but I don't think I'm your adverage girl because I know that true loves kiss doesn't break spells and romance is dead. I know that any kind of guy I'm interested in wouldn't fall inlove with some broken girl with cuts up her wrist and drama and utter bullshit coming out her mouth, so I was never one of those kinds of girls. I mean I understand some people are right whacked out or something but I mostly believe it's an attention thing. If someone wanted to kill themselves that badly they'd jump off a building or infront of a train, but that's just my opinion. What I'm getting at is that most girls have some reason behind their fear of love; be it a broken heart or a whacked out brain, but I didn't have an excuse. Well, unless you wanna file me with the wackos.
The way I am now is the way I've always been. I've always known the right things to say to people. It's always been easy for me to put myself in someone's place and know what they would want me to say. I could be easily called a people person. Other than the fact I didn't give a shit about anyone. I haven't gave a shit about anyone ever. And I don't mean that as in I'm self centred, because I don't give a shit about myself at all either. There isn't much I do give a shit about. I loved my parents as much as I could love anybody. I mean, I appreciated them, I was nice to them. I told them I loved them and I said please and thank you for everything they'd give me. My parents loved me and I did everything I could to make them and myself believe that I loved them back but there was always a piece of me that I'd try to hide back in the blackness of my brain, that knew that if they died I wouldn't be that hurt. That's the scariest thing about me, I don't get sad. I've never been sad about anything before in my life. I've never shed a tear and I've never felt my stomach drop with sadness. I've never felt a heart break. I've never cried, not once since I was born. I was in an out of the hospital as a baby, my parents were so worried there was something wrong with me, but no doctor could ever find anything. I was completely healthy. I've tried to be sad, so many times I've sat in my room pushing, with my face scrunched up an my teeth clenched, trying, praying to feel something, anything. I know I should feel blessed, but that's another thing about girls, they always want what they can't have. "The grass is always greener on the other side" my parents often said to me when I complained. This was obvious to me that I should feel happy that I could never be sad, but girls are confusing.
