Dear Piper (Toby McDonough Fan Fiction)

If You Get Jealous

I hate getting jealous. It really sucks. I try my best not to, but I can't help it. There's an odd churning in my stomach whenever I think about it. I warned myself this would happen.

Weeks before Toby left, I promised myself I'd try not to think about it. But how can I not think about it? He's out somewhere, probably laying his eyes on some gorgeous girl, and I don't stand a chance. I never really have.

Of course I've seen other fans on twitter, and I know what Toby said, but you'll never know. There could be someone, some other girl he'd end up falling for. How long does it take that boy to fall in love? And I know it's a dumb example, but I can't help but think about the reason we met.

"It was something about your letters," he had told me before. But that's the thing. It started because of some letters he read from a fan who didn't even sign her goddamn name onto the paper.

What more if he comes face to face with someone else? What if she's smart? What if she's funny? What if she makes him laugh harder than I ever could? What if her eyes are a bright blue or an emerald green? What if her hair falls perfectly? What if she isn't scared to do anything? What if she knows exactly what to say without stuttering? What if she's the effortless type of breathtaking I wish I was? What if whenever he closes his eyes, he'll see another girl, who's much more than I am and ever will be?

I close the door of my room, walking towards my desk. Maybe there's something I can find to make me stop thinking about this. I open the box, laying the lid aside. I take half of the entire thing out, pulling my chair back with my foot. I sit on my chair, reading the back of the envelopes, transferring each one I skip to the back of the stack in my hands. Even as I read, none of the labels catch my attention. I sigh, straightening the the envelopes. Right as I decide to try the remaining ones in the box, the label on the envelope in front of me makes me sit up straight in my chair.

If you get jealous.

Oh. I take the other ones I'm holding in my left hand and stretch forward to put them back in the box. I rip the paper open, leaning back in my chair and pull out the letter.

Dear Piper,

I actually can't believe you opened this. My Piper? Jealous? I'm surprised. You never seemed like the type. Regardless, I have something to say about this. I know I can't tell you what to feel. And I'm not about to be one of those people who are like, "oh, if you're jealous that means you don't trust me." If you feel this way, well, that means you care. And it's actually kind of relieving to know you do.

But I'm away. You can't be completely sure of what I'm doing or what's happening. And we both know it'll happen. There are gonna be other people. Other fans. Other girls. But please remember that whatever happens, you're mine. No matter how many other girls there might be, while I'm walking through the streets of another city, while I'm meeting fans, while I'm staring out into that crowd of people, I can't see anyone but you. Even if you're just at the back of my mind, you're there. I can't and won't ever replace you. How could I? You're mine, and I'll always be yours.

-Toby