Intimacy | ✔️ {Wattys 2017}

Precision

The ride is silent, the radio softly playing as my shoulders are tense. The trees pass by quickly as my eyes glance to the side mirror, watching Flynn's date driving his car as she follows in pursuit. Looking back to the road, I recross my legs, the atmosphere tense as I just want to be alone, in the silence, my mind empty, and my heart no longer in pain. Flynn drives my car, his eyes locked on the road as he seems relaxed to me, his posture relaxed, hands on the wheel, and not in some horrible state like myself. To the world, he is free. He is not tied down to a world of emotions that eat you alive because your mate is with another. Has he found his mate? No. How do I know? When an Alpha finds his Luna, they cannot stop talking about her or even keep their eyes off of her, not to mention everyone would know by now. He has not found his mate, and I know he is growing impatient because everyone else is finding theirs.

"Do you plan on rejection?" Flynn asks, breaking the silence as my heart plummets to the floor. Those eyes flash through my mind and all I can focus on is a set of dreams. A set of dreams I've envisioned for months and months. Moments that wake me up at night, bringing me to tears as the rest of the night is filled with darkness and the sense of feeling as if I could never find another. Augustus is the perfect guy...the one my mother would love to see me being home and my father approve of. I've dreamt of us, of if we could be together. Moments of laughter and joy as we create a story to tell our children.

Augustus is the perfect guy.

But that doesn't mean he's the perfect match.

"No," I whisper, meeting Flynn's gaze as we pull up outside my house. As the engine shuts off, Flynn leans back in the seat, crossing his arms as my throat runs dry. "If I reject him he deserves the truth of what I am." He nods. "A human learning of our existence can be severely punishable, Flynn, and by rejecting Augustus I would be risking my life." Flynn nods once more, checking his phone as his car pulls up beside us. The window rolls down and his date for the night looks to us.

"Flynn, come on, let's go," she states, hopping out of the driver side as she walks around. She's impatient and I don't want to keep her waiting.

Sighing, I open my door, offering Flynn's date a gentle smile. "He's all yours." She rolls her eyes, yet offers me a smile in return. I like her. I like what I've seen, not because she's the best I've ever met, but because she hasn't cussed me out and claimed I was fucking her so-called boyfriend. She's pretty. She's like all the rest. With black hair that hits her shoulders in gentle curls, tan skin, slender and long legs, bright golden eyes, and a light sprinkle of freckles, she's exactly what Flynn would look for: able to turn heads. I've never talked with her before, but I know her name.

"Miranda," Flynn greets, opening the passenger door of his car for her. His eyes meet mine once more and he shuts the door, tossing me my keys. "Take care." I thank Flynn for the ride, heading up for the front door of my house. "Amory?" I turn around to see Flynn about to hop into his his. "Come for a run in the morning, let loose and relax."

I can't. "I'll try," I reply, knowing full well that I will be unable to. Unable to because I cannot shift. I cannot shift into my damn wolf because of some stupid broken heart. And how do you mend a broken heart? You move on. But how? How do you move on when there is not set standard on how to? Everyone mends their own differently and the only path I can see out of this is through forgetting. Through slowly pushing away the world and escaping. They warn you about running from your problems because they will only come to bit you in the ass. It's seen as karma. But what happens when our problems are picked upon in a society where tradition is? As a wolf, I am tied down to a pack and taught that the pack is my life, that I am part of a pack. But my problem exists within this pack, within this town. I have to run.

Run because once I'm out of here, my problems will be gone. Problem of being unable to be with or even reject my mate because he is human. Because I would risk my life, for if Augustus were to tell a soul, the Wolf King would come for me or my Alpha would make me rogue.

Opening up the front door, the smell of cooked food fills my lungs and I can hear my parents in the kitchen discussing the day. They are mates. More than that, they are high school sweethearts as well who have been in love for twenty-three years. My father came from this pack and my mother as well.

I skip the dinner, rather passing by the kitchen as I head down the hallway to my room. Putting my backpack upon the floor, I place myself upon the bed, running a hand through my hair.

He's beautiful. He's perfection. He's exactly what I've ever wanted, the very creation of my dreams.

He watches me, not feeling a thing different as we make eye contact. After all, to him, this day is simply my birthday and not the day that I've noticed him as my mate.

"Amory, you okay?" One of my friends asks, pulling my attention off of my mate as my wolf wants to be let loose and run after him. Nodding, I walk through the crowd of school, heading after him as I pick up his scent.

Hallway after hallway I follow his scent, on cloud nine as I spot him, leaning against his locker as he shoves a book into his bag. Making my way over to him, I stop in my steps, my eyes following his own.

He's in a trance, those beautiful eyes not looking at me, but following a beautiful ginger as she crosses the hallway. He watches her with hope and deep interest.

He looks at her the way I look at him.

He looks at her as if she...is his.

Tears flow down my cheeks, a hand covering my mouth as I let out a sob. The day I discovered he was my mate I watched him look at another. That day I lost myself.

I lost my identity and my heart.

I'm running out of time.

I'm running out of fucking time because he is supposed to be mine. He is supposed to be my forever yet to me, he is my greatest poison. I'm like Socrates. He's my hemlock and I've taken a drink. I've submerged my life into a world where all I can wonder if he notices me, if he will ever look at me the way that he looks at her. I've poisoned myself with love and have found myself slowly falling into an endless abyss.

I have to tell myself everyday that it's okay, that one day it will all get better and maybe, just maybe Augustus will be mine one day. That one day the Moon Goddess will understand the pain I have suffered and reward me in the end...but this is what a blind person would say.

My phone rings.

Checking the ID, my stomach twists into knots and my skin pales.

"Hey."

He's silent for a few seconds. "I miss you, Amory." My heart clenches. I wished he missed me in the way that I wanted him to. "I know you have to be going through something...I don't know what, but I know you're hurting."

He has no idea he is the cause of this and his words are just a catalyst to my suffering.

"Augustus..." I trial off, wiping away a tear. "I-

"Augustus." My heart skips a beat as I hear her call out his name. She's with him. Of course she is. He's in love with her, he's told me. He's told me more than once.

"Amory, I've got to go, I have to drive Molly home."

I hold on a sob. "I understand."

The line goes silent, the phone falling from my hand as I finally let out a sob.

Do I really understand? Understand that he can never be mine? That the man fate made to be perfect for me...is not mine. And he never could be.