take it as you will

FAHC Raywood

  "I wanted it to be you. God damn, I really did."

----

   Ryan didn't believe it at first. All the panicked yelling, the gunshot, the shrieking static from his ear piece. This wasn't happening- he... he had promised himself he wouldn't let this happen. Yet in an instant that plan fell through the fucking floor and his vision and mind became cloudy and violent. The enemy voices were shrill and cynical, they were boasting about the murder of his teammate, he just knew it. He had to get rid of them, get rid of those smirking faces. Standing up from his hiding spot behind a car Ryan began shooting, he didn't care where it hit or what he hit. Bullets were flying everywhere around him. He swore he could hear Geoff sobbing from his ear piece and it just spurred Ryan's rampage on even more. They were a family, they had all left their old, drab lives behind for this new, exhilarant one. And now one of their family members were dead.

   "...not one of my boys.... anything but my boys," Geoff's static voice cried out.

  It was that helplessness coming from his ear piece that Ryan decided he had to find the body. He had to find out who was responsible for the cold blooded murder. He had to find the body so they could have a proper burial.

   Ryan tried to visualize the map with scribbled on directions from the heist meeting, the top of the building by the gas station was his best bet. Pushing some guy off his motorcycle, Ryan jumped on, and took off. Speeding through traffic he could hear Michael screaming bloody murder about how he would, 'kill that motherfucker and burn everything he loved to the ground'. Gavin was sniffling, words a jumbled mess as he cried. Jack had been silent the entire time and she didn't say anything when spoken to. Maybe she was just in shock, but that didn't stop Ryan from feeling anxious that maybe she had died too.

   Reaching one of the buildings he saw a fire escape and rushed over to it, doing a sad version of parkour as he tripped and tumbled over the railings and stairs on his way up. Reaching the scene Ryan ripped his skull mask off and strands of his dirty blond hair fell over his eyes. Walking slowly towards the blood splatter it seemed as though he was almost in a movie. Ryan walked closer to the body, it looked like his teammate had fallen asleep, but he knew better -a bullet through his chest- and if placed correctly it was a quick death. It was a blind side, he wouldn't have seen it comming.

   Ryan dropped to his knees by the corpse. He was supposed to protect him, dammit. He was supposed to protect this fucking kid, this guy who was going to be his boyfriend one day. Ryan reached out and pushed some stray hairs back out of the Puerto-Rican's face. Running his hands down the kid's face- it was cold, it was already fucking cold. He would never be able to feel the blood rising to Ray's cheeks, he would never be able to kiss those chapped lips before a mission, he would never be able to put his burdened hand over Ray's mouth to shut him up when the younger was acting out. He had thought Ray had been the one. He had thought that maybe- just maybe- Ray could survive in a business like this. How foolish he was to think of such a thing.

   It was Ryan's turn to cry now as he leaned down and kissed Ray with trembling, bloodied lips. It wasn't the end of the world, Ryan knew as he pulled away, but it was going to hurt like hell for months, years maybe, and it'll always be lingering in the back of his mind. Always be an itch that he'd never be able to scratch. This wasn't Ryan's first time loosing a team member, fuck no, but he thought he left that pain behind until Geoff and Jack offered him a place in their rag-tag gang. Speaking of Jack, when Ryan looked up he saw Jack's shadow. She was standing behind him.

   "Ryan.... I know how much you loved him.. I'm so- so sorry," Jack said her voice quivering but soft.

   Ryan didn't respond and looked back down at Ray's already pale face that was now marked with Ryan's dark, bloody handprints. Ray had been the one, he knew Ray had to have been the one.

    He had really wanted Ray to be the one.