I had nobody else around to tell me differently, no one other than daddy's friends who all referred to me as 'baby doll'.
I forced my body to relax, tense from the pain that had just been inflicted. My mind wandered back to the meadow, to the place I was happiest, and I fell into a deep sleep.
~
I wandered through the tall, grassy meadow, picking the pure white daisies that grew in bunches around me. I smiled as the wind blew lightly, causing my hair to dance behind me. I kicked off my shoes and skipped in the soft grass, feeling completely at peace.
No pain.
My smile widened as an idea came into my mind. The idea of being free.
The idea of never being hurt again, never having to deal with the pain or the hate.
I thought of places to go, places I'd heard people talk about; New York, California, D.C.
Each place sounded wonderful.
I lay down on the cool earth, a spider scurrying across my hand.
I was so happy, so peaceful.
~
"Autumn!" I awoke with a start at the sound of my fathers voice and scurried out of bed, still wearing my blood stained clothes.
"Yes, daddy?" I called, making my way down the hallway and into our small living room. My father smirked at me and I felt uneasy. My body tensed, my heart pounded and my knees felt weak.
"Mommy got you a nice, perdy dress just for our special night tonight." He stroked my cheek as he spoke.
I felt a collection of tears form in the ducts of my eyes but I blinked them back and looked at my mom.
My mother made her way toward me, a snow white dress draped over her bony arm.
It was beautiful, it was pure.
My mother handed it to me. "Take a bath and put it on, but keep your hair dry!" She snapped.
I took the dress and made my way into the bathroom, collapsing as soon as the door clicked shut.
My hands covered my eyes as hot tears poured out. 11 years of my life had already passed, 11 years of pain, misery, hatred and rape.
I felt the innocence draining out of me in that moment, as if every tear contained some of it.
