Guilt ✹ Tracob

7

I contemplated texting him for an hour straight, wondering if texting Jacob would be acceptable in any way.

He's with someone else....

Or is he?

Is he just saying that to protect me?

"Are you okay?" Kayla asked me.

"I don't know.." I said. "I honestly don't know..."

"You... saw the texts didn't you?"

"I did.." I sighed. "Why couldn't you talk to me?"

"He didn't want me to.." She said. "He wants you to be safe..."

"Is he moving on?" I started to cry.

"I don't know... but I really think you need to talk to him yourself..." She said. "I can drive you if you'd give me the address..."

/

We pulled up to Jacob's house, and I unbuckled.

"I... I really don't know about this..." I said.

"Just go..." She said. I opened the car door, and walked towards his house. I knocked on the door, hoping he wasn't going to answer.... but wishing he was. The door was never answered, but it was unlocked. I peeked my head inside to see if anyone was around, and heard voices.

"Hello?" I said. "Anyone home?" There was no answer even then, but I continued towards the sound. "Hello?"

"Oh, shit..."

"Hello?" I said again.

"Who was that, Jacob?" I opened the door to Jacob's bedroom to see it. Jacob was covering up with a blanket, and the other voice belonged to another man, probably a year or two older than him.

"I..." I said. "I can't believe you..."

"Troye, please..." Jacob followed me after putting his boxers and pants back on. "Wait!"

"No!" I snapped. "I came here... thinking you still cared about me... I saw the texts. I saw the texts you sent to Kayla... You're a two-faced liar!" I stormed away from him, hearing the other man call to Jacob, asking what was going on.

/

"Bad?" Kayla asked.

"No shit.." I snapped at her. "Just drive.."

"I'm sorry..." She said. "I dragged you here... I told you to go in, and I told you to speak to him..."

"It's not your fault that he was having sex.."

"He had someone with him?"

"Not just with him... in bed with him.." I wiped away a few tears. "I need to move on... I know.."

"I'm sorry, babe..." She sighed. "I know he really made you happy..."

"He did.. but I'll be okay.." I said, trying to smile. "I'm going to get my YouTube channel back into the management.. and I'm going to start my U.S. tour next week..."

"I'm proud of you.." Kayla smiled.

/

The week went by fast, and before I knew it, I was on a plane with my manager, my little brother, and my sister, heading to the United States.

The first few performances went by in a flash, and it was already September by the time I had been through the first portion of my tour.

"Thank you guys!" I said to my audience. "I'm glad to see you all here... I... I've been through a lot lately, and it's important you guys know that I'm still the same Troye you first started watching online. I'm no different from the boy you watched.. I'm just out of the closet.." I saw various people waving rainbow flags, smiling at me.

"We love you!"

"I love you guys, too..." I smiled. "This is a song that I wrote recently whilst going through a really hard time... It describes what was going on perfectly....and I feel you will love it..." I sang Happy Little Pill, making the fans start crying.

/

When I went backstage, my sister was waiting for me.

"Hey.." She said. "Someone's looking for you.."

"Who?" I asked.

"Troye..." I heard a voice, and instantly felt weak. I turned towards him, practically shivering in nerves. "Hey.."

"Hey... Connor..." I said. "You came to see the show?"

"Well, of course.." He held his arms out for a hug, so I reluctantly complied. "How are you?"

"I'm okay.." I said. "How have you been?"

"Pretty good..." He asked to speak with me alone, and I knew where this was leading.... "Look... I need to talk to you..."

"What about?"

"I.. I miss you.." Connor said, hesitating through his words. "I know we didn't end on good terms.."

"You hurt me.." I said.

"I know.. We didn't end on good terms.."

"Good terms? You literally ruined everything between us.." I said. I stood, and started walking away.

"I'm sorry, Troye.." He said, taking my hand. "I still love you, and I want to get back together with you..."

"Con, I-"

"I love you.." He held my hands in his, looking deep into my eyes. "I regret everything I did to you.... The cheating.... The fighting... I regret it all, but I don't regret the amazing times we had together.."

"I'm in love with someone else, Connor.." I said. The only man on my mind... was Jacob. I still loved him.. I still loved Jacob, and I knew it was toxic to continue thinking about him. "I think we need to just be friends... It would never end well if we... did get back together.. I live in Australia.."

"You could come live with me.. or... I could move in with you...." Connor tried to argue his way back into my heart, but none of his endeavors were working.

"I'm sorry.... but I've moved on.." I said. "You should to..."

"I thought I'd try..." He said. "Goodbye Troye.."

"Bye.." I offered a sincere smile which he exchanged, but I felt the awkward and unsettling undertones of his smile that told me his true feelings. He was hurt... and this time, I was the one who hurt him.

Our past relationship was very brief as I was only in America for a couple of months. I had just gotten out of a relationship, and I met Connor at a YouTube event in California. He came onto me, and I let the tides roll in. He seemed perfect, but perfection ceased quickly as he turned out to be a cheater, a player, and abused me physically and emotionally.

I could never go back.... I did love him, but that was in the past. Jacob, however... I was indefinitely contemplating the outcomes.