They Weren't Kidding

Chapter 8

The time not having Ryan slowly seemed to become slightly bearable. I at least got to talk to her and see her supposedly happy. Though, she didn't seem to be too happy with her relationship as soon as the beginning of summer hit. She was often angry at Mordy and he seemed dissatisfied with the relationship, himself. Once I started paying attention to what was happening, I realised that it seemed they were going to split up, which I had previously feared. However, I was slightly hopeful that something might happen between she and I.

When Ryan and I would hang out, the topic of Mordy seemed to come up less and less. Before the summer, Ryan would bring up him and what was going on in their relationship at the time. Slowly, she would no longer talk about him. Honestly, the less she would mention him, the more hopeful I would become toward the thought of having a shot with her.

Even before the summer, I wouldn't ever hear Mordy talk about Ryan, either. I never heard about them going on dates. I wasn't invited to hang out with the both of them. When I would see the two of them together, they weren't near as affectionate as before. You could see them drifting apart.

After about a week or two into the summer, I began to slip into a depression I hadn't felt before. It was stronger and more overwhelming. It took my ability to feel joy or happiness. I had no desire to go outside, see friends, or even talk to the people closest to me. I would spend my times hardly getting out of bed to do anything. I wouldn't get up to get ready for multiple days in a row. The only time I would get ready was when I was forced to do something with my family or other people.

This caused me to not answer any text messages or phone calls from any of my friends. Unfortunately, this also included Ryan. Whenever I received a message from anyone, I would stare at my phone for a solid five minutes or more, debating whether or not I should respond to them. Every time I would do this, my depression would win out and force me to put my phone back down without even opening the texts.

Ryan seemed to get the brunt of me disregarding texts or messages in general. She would message me every day and every day I would stare at my phone, desiring to text back but losing the battle to my inner demons and setting the phone back down. The more I received messages from her, the worst I felt. Everyone else gave up early on during the summer, but Ryan continued to pursue after me in my time of seclusion.

I spent all of my days filled with regret of what I was doing and aspiration to make it up to Ryan. Though, with each passing day, the sense that it was too late continued to grow within my head. It didn't matter if she would text me that day, I knew if I responded, I would have to give an explanation and I didn't have a valid enough reason to just drop off the face of the earth, for as far as she's concerned. Though, every time she messaged me, the longer I would stare at my phone, the longer I would fight to let her know I was okay and that nothing had happened to me.

The summer rapidly came to an end, which I dreaded and was thankful for. I had decided to go to the same school as Ryan for my senior year in high school because Mordy had graduated already and before the summer, the thought of going to the same school seemed like a great idea. I was not looking forward to seeing her in person, though, and have to explain everything. The thought along spiked my anxiety.

Open house night came quicker than I had anticipated. I knew she was going to be at the school that night. That didn't keep me from hoping and praying she wouldn't be so I could put off attempting to formulate a valid excuse to my disappearance. As my bad luck would have it, there she was in one of the classes that I was also in. She was already sat in a seat in the back. I decided to pick a seat on the opposite side of the room because I figured she wouldn't want to speak to me.