I had to give her up. It’s not like I had a choice, I couldn’t take care of her the way she needed to be taken care of. I was useless. So I gave her up, to anyone that would take her. For a good sum of money which would aid in my survival through the worst of the worst winters.
A lovely couple took her, one that had a barren womb but a loving home to accommodate for my baby, for my life. They took her with open arms and were ecstatic to see their child. Not their child, my child. I looked at them with so much disdain, they could give her everything I couldn’t and I hated them for it. I took the money and left their abode and started to run. I kept on running not once looking back to the only treasure in my life, to the only thing that was of great value to me, tremendous worth and I left her in the hands of strangers. How could I do that to her? Thoughts raced through my head making me insane, making my head spin. I sat down in the corner and curled up rocking my head in my hands. “I had to leave her, I had to leave little maisie. I had to leave her”. Tears streamed down my face, at one point I thought they would never stop and would leave me dehydrated. At this time, I could not afford that, water was expensive. Another amenity I could not afford. I closed my eyes rocking myself to sleep and as the sleep came to take me from the grasp of reality.
There I was again. Running through the woods with maisie in my arms held so tightly to my chest that the idea of suffocating her would be less terrible than the fate that lay behind me. I kept running, tripping, falling with maisie crying, wailing, screaming and then silence. She was no longer in my arms, disintigerating into tiny pieces of paper, of cash. Standing there momentarily confused I looked at my assailants with accusing eyes ready to snatch my baby back. All I see instead is a mirror, as if the universe was trying to tell me, Yes. Yes, you are the one that gave her away, not them. You are the real evil, it is you that maisie needs to be saved from. I woke up gasping for air, searching for maisie, screaming her name at the top of my lungs. But no response comes my way, no wailing, no crying, no sound.
