What If I Float?

Confessional Car Ride 1/2

  We're riding down the interstate, headed to a unspecified destination, she's driving. As I rest my chin in the palm of my hand, glancing out the passenger seat window, I noticed the nighttime sky. It's paradoxical and passably enigmatic. The moon is a waning crescent, its eighth and finale phase, but still as bright as ever. A lunation is coming to an end, and maybe this phase in my life is too. I look over to my left at Lauren. Her thumbs are drumming on the steering wheel to songs I've zoned out minutes ago. Realizing I've done so, I start listening to the music again. Upon hearing the song, I roll my eyes and groan. "Oh god, not this again," I protested.

  "And? What's wrong with this?"  Lauren challenged.

  "It's only the worst thing I've ever heard in my almost two decades of living."

  She raises her hand to her heart, her right, which wasn't holding the wheel, showcasing offense, and gasped out loud. "How dare you disrespect Lil John like that," she uttered in disbelief.

  "Honestly, he has no skill whatsoever. Every single song is incessant hollering and variations of 'yeahs'. There's no depth," I declared.

  She was offended and wasn't taking this lightly. "Yeah, his songs aren't the most profound or meaningful, but he's actually a pretty intellectual person." Lauren corrected. "Plus a girl needs some hype music every now and then. It can't always be John Mayer."

  I simply nodded and didn't protest this time. I let her win. It's what I've always done. Ever since we were eleven and she complained about yellow being the ugliest color in the rainbow. After insulting my favorite color, she then preceded to explain that "it's too bright and needs to calm down." Her words not mine. Anyway, I remembered why we were in this car in the first place and immediately became anxious.

  I called Lauren as soon as I clocked out of work and told her to drive by my work and pick me up. I had to tell her. There's no way I could keep it inside any longer, not after knowing what I know now. It was finished anyway, so this should only bring us closer. Right? Growing more and more apprehensive with each revolution of the tires, I began chewing on my nails. Lauren felt the tension and grew worrisome.

  "Is everything alright Camz?" she asked tentatively. She still had her eyes on the path ahead of her, but she kept glancing my way.

  Gathering my thoughts and figuring out how I wanted to begin this conversation, I thought about how I couldn't listen to a single song from that album without thinking about her. I asked, "Do you remember The Neighbourhood's album I Love You.?"

  Lauren glanced at me incredulously, "I mean, I guess I do, but what does that have to do with anything?" Her eyebrows were creasing together causing her skin to crinkle in the center of her forehead, right in between her beautiful eyebrows.

  Her question was hanging in the air, unsure and discombobulated, just like I had been for the last six years of my life. Taking another breather to stop my thoughts from racing, I directed my gaze back to the outside of the car and the passing, blurred trees and buildings. I could see a faint outline of my face projected on the window, so I reflected, on a time, back where I was insecure and fragile. I wasn't looking at Lauren, but I knew she was getting nervous about this exchange, about us, and about the future. I knew, because I could feel her foot pressing into the gas petal, and the trajectory the car was leaving behind or was it just my worries and trepidations?

AUTHOR's NOTE:
  Could someone tell me if this is actually legible or relevant??

Probably won't continue unless someone says otherwise so..