Nightingales (demi lovato fanfic)

suicide note

Chapter 3

The next few days went the same as they alwasy did. I was left out of my family and only called upon when they needed something. I hadn't eaten since wednessday night preparing for Cathrine's birthday dinner at sizzler. The final bell for the day rang and it was the end of the week finally. I found Lydia and caugt up to her.

"Do your parents know you're staying at mine tonight?" Lydia asked.

"Do they care?" I responded. She looked at me with a look half of sympathy and half saying seriously though.

"Umm yeah, I left a note on the door saying that I was going to your house for the night."

"You left them a note. Won't they get mad?"

"well yeah. But they get mad at everything I do so what's teh difference. Anyway, change of subject please."

"Ok" Lydia said. We walked in silence to her locker that had my clothes for Cathrine's party in it.

"Here you go," she said passing them to me. We walked back to her house which was fairly close and we went inside. I spent a lot of time at Lydia's so I knew her family fairly well. She walked in a called

"Mum I'm home and I have Elsa!"

"Hey honey," her mum said coming down the hall and kissing her cheek. "And hi Elsa, how are you?"

"I'm good thanks." I smiled. She didn't know about my home life although I'm sure she got suspicious when Lydia stayed up until three in the morning on the phone trying to calm me down. "well you two better go get ready for Cathrine's party. We need to be there in an hour." We walked down the hallway and passed jonny's room. Jonny was Erica's age and was Lydia's younger brother.

"Hey Jonny, how you going?" Lydia walked into his room and sat down next to him.

"I'm playing cars and this one can fly and this one is broken so the flying one has to give up some of it's powers to save it." he said. I smiled at the door. "well that must be a very brave car." Lydia said as she stood up and ruffled his hair. We went into Lydia's room and I threw my stuff and myself on her bed. She walked into her walk in wadrobe and picked out a blue dress with string straps and little sparkles on it. Lydia's family was rich. They got a lot of insurance after her big sister died and her dad was a buisness owner who worked well above the average man's time. Lydia tell's me that that's just how he cope's.

"What are you wearing?" Lydia asked. I started pulling my clothes out of my bag.

"I think I'm going to wear this with a black cardigan over the top." I held up a flowy puple dress that came to halfway up my thighs. Lydia nodded in approval.

"Well get dressed than, we have to do our hair." Lydia was excited but I was terrified. I stood up and fell back down when I was overwhelmed by dissiness. "Are you ok?" Lydia asked. I just lied there. My head was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up. Lydia came and sat next to me.

"Elsa?"

"yeah sorry, give it a minute and it will pass."

"Elsa." she said more firmly. "when was the last time you ate?"

"uhh I don't know."

"you don't know or you don't want to tell me."

"wednessday night." I said fastly. "Elsa!" She said in a long sigh.

"I know I'm sorry but I was preparing fro tonight."

"It's ok. Tonight's going to be fine." "But what if I binge?"

"I won't et you eat any more than me, ok?"

"Ok." I agreed but I was still nervous. "Are you good now?" Lydia asked. "Yeah. Let's go get ready."

Lydia's POV

I watched Elsa get up and walk into my onsweet to get changed. I was so worried about her. She was killing herself. I was afraid of tonight and what could happen. What if Cathrine noticed something? She would tell everyone and then Elsa would be crushed. She would be called attention seeking and other names and I don't know if she could handle that. I didn't want to loose my best friend. Loosing my big sister was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. No one but my family knows it was me that found her. I came back from school one day

Flashback

warning: Trigering

"Beth," I yelled "Beth I'm home!" I put the spare keys back in the pot plant and shut the door behind me. I went into the fridge and got a slice of my 13th birthday cake from a week ago. I shoved it in my mouth and carried my bad up into my room.

"Beth, Where are you?" I called out. "Mum will be home with Jonny in an hour so we can do whatever we want until than!" I temted her. Having a five year old in the house limited the things we could watch and say so we used the hour after school as a free time where we could do and say what we wanted. I still wasn't getting an answer. "Beeeetthhh" I sighed. I walked across the hall to her room and knocked on the door. The sign said 'keep out, 16 year old's bight' and I believed it. I knocked again but she didn't answer the door.

"Beth it's me, Lydia." I pushed the door open and heard water running in the bathroom. I went and sat on her bed. She must be having a shower. There was a folded peice of paper on her bed that said 'to my deerest Lydia and Jonny.' I picked it up confused and started to read it.

I'm sorry.

I tried really hard but I can't try any more. I hate me and my life and my boyfriend. And maybe I've been to blind to see it but my boyfriend is abusive, usually not physically unlike today but definitly verbally. And I'm sorry that I'm gonna fuck everyone up but I can't live anymore. My suicide not was meant to be extravagant and watevs but I'm done with even that. And this blade isn't going deep enough. Lydia I love you and please stay strong for me. I'll come visit if I'm allowed.You are my bestest friend and I'm so sorry but I just can'tI've tried so hard but I just can't. I'm really really sorry. Love Beth.

My eye's started to water and the note was geting wet. I couldn't comprehend what I had just read. 'suicide note' was running over and over in my head. "Beth?" I said wearily into the bathroom.

"Beth?" I screamed. My tears were shoking me and I couldn't breath. I ran at the door and realised it wasn't locked. I opened the door and I saw my 16 year old sister laying on the floor with a slit on her wrist and pills in her hands.There was a small puddel of blood under her wrist and it made me throw up. I ran to her and sat down. I picked up her lifeless head and held it in my lap. Shakng and crying.

"Beth!" I screamed despratetly,

"Wake up!"

"Beth!" Her name was interupted by loud fits of crying and That's how I sat for 30 minutes. Rocking back and forth with her head in my lap.

"Beth wake the fuck up," I yelled. "Please? I need you." I bowed my head and cried into her hair. The next thing I knew was that I was in the hospital. "Mum." I whispered.

"What am I doing here?"

"You went into shock and passed out." "so it wasn't a dream?"

"No honey." My mums eye's started to water and I turned on my side and let the tears roll slowly down my face. I stayed in the hospital for a week with constant monitoring from doctors, psychatrists and nursers. After the week I had monthly sessions with a psycologist along with the rest of my family.

Elsa walked out of my bathroom bringing me out of my flashback.

"Are you ok?" she asked

"Yeah. Wow you look gorgeous" Elsa blushed and said

"Thankyou. You'de better get dressed too if we are planning on doing our hair." I bounced up and grabbed my dress off the bed and took it to my bathroom. I hoped to god that Elsa was going to get through tonight.

Hi guys. so umm that suicide note is actually I real one that I edited to make more sence but it's pretty much word for word and i'm really scared to press publish because I have never shared it with anyone. It was from a few months ago but hey I'm still her so.... :)