Losing It All

Prologue

Today is Choosing Day.

The room fills with people as I try to keep myself calm. The alphabetical arrangement means that I stand alone; there is an Abnegation girl to my right and an Erudite boy to my left. I grip the hem of my red dress tightly and force a smile onto my face. I am Amity. I will face this trial with peaceful ease. The boy next to me shifts and I glance at him. He is handsome, with dark hair and eyes bright with anticipation. A blush rises to my cheeks and I realize that I've stared too long. I quickly look away, but the image of him burns in the back of my mind. Sneaking another peek, I notice that there is a fierce hunger in his eyes. He tries to mask his grin but I can still feel his excitement. And the violence behind it. He stares at the Dauntless. A knot grows in my stomach, clenching almost unbearably. Something about this boy makes my heart pound and the decision that should have been easy, isn't anymore.

It is Erudite's year to host the choosing ceremony, so Jeanine Matthews enters the centre circle to address the crowd. I barely hear her as she speaks. I am too busy trying to imagine my life at the end of each of the five roads open to me. I have never imagined changing Factions before, not even before the Aptitude Test. I have always known that I belonged in Amity; have always felt at home there. Nothing was ever going to change that. No test, no person, nothing. Until him. A cold shiver runs down my spin and my smile finally fades. How could a person I've never spoken to change my mind so drastically? I pick at a loose thread in my clothing and try to slow my pounding heart. I don't know that I am strong enough to change my choice. I take a deep breath and try not to think as Jeanine begins calling names. The Erudite boy is called before me and the sound of his name consumes me. Eric. I latch onto that fact as I watch him enter the circle. His blood is sizzling on the coals before I my mind even registers the cut on his palm.

It is my turn.

My name is called, but it sounds foreign to my ears. I approach the circle and hesitantly take the knife. I stare at the metal bowls in front of me. Five different choices. Five different lives. I look at them each in turn and then shift my eyes over to where Eric stands with the Dauntless initiates. He is glowering at the transfer from Abnegation. I take a deep breath and look to the other side of the room. At Amity; my family. My palm throbs viciously as I run the knife over it. I hesitate again, letting the blood pool in my hand. I tilt it into the bowl and watch it run off my pale skin.

The soil drinks in my blood and the first pangs of regret stab my heart.

I am not brave enough to follow him. 

And now I never will be.