A Playboy Funeral

March 9th, 2012

Melody smiled as she looked at the audience. She loved being the center of attention, and her funeral wasn't going to be any exception. Every body leaves an impact in this world but the imprint she left was larger than life itself. The busty blonde took what she wanted and spit in the face of anyone who would hold her back.

At the unripened age of 45 Melody felt like she did the best she could with the time she had. She could have sworn she was going to outlive Hef, but alas, there he was in the first row, 85 years old. And she couldn't be happier. He changed her life. Gave her everything and treated her like gold. The best years of her life were spent at the mansion playing volleyball, modeling and becoming a real person. She knew her time was up but somehow, even on the other side she felt as if she was gravitating toward Hugh. He always had a inexplicable grasp on her heart that no one would understand. They were best friends. She walked over to him, her black stilettos clicking on the old dilapidated tile. It's funny how he was the only one who didn’t look right through me, but yet, now he has no choice. She cupped her hand around his warm face, wrinkled from age. She knew that out of everyone he was with she was special. What they had wasn't quite romance but although she could never put her finger on it, he was her family. When she stroked his face a flood of memories rushed into her mind. Memories she thought were lost forever through age and experience. She resonated on the first day she was introduced to the life she was hooked on.

April 11th ,1976

Melody was nine. She didn't know anything about the female form, at least any more than her own set up. Sometimes she would crawl around the living room in the evening and her father would be sleeping on the recliner. She oh so desperately wanted to look at those books he was always telling her not to read. She didn't understand why, she was almost ten! She wasn't no longer a baby, at least in her mind. She actually was appalled her father wouldn’t share. I mean, it's not like he payed much attention to her anyways but she would always share with him. The night she actually got a hold of the magazines was the night that defined her life.

Melody ran back to her room, magazines in hand and placed them in a pile on her bed. The first one said Daina House, (She was the playmate for January 1976.) Melody just stared at the cover. She looked like such a rock star, with her blonde feathered hair and her smoldering eyes. But at the same time it seemed as though she may have been the most real person she ever set eyes on. She threw that magazine aside, without looking at it's contents. Excited to see the next, this girl was even more beautiful than the first. Her name was Linda Forsythe (She was the playmate for February 1970.) She had these enticing brown eyes and long chestnut hair. She looked warm, and loving. She opened the contents. She was a little overwhelmed at first, she knew what she was looking at but her mother always told her to keep your body private. She couldn't believe these women were naked! And they looked happy. But it was so entrancing. She eventually tossed that one aside to and looked at the last in her trio of fun. This magazine was different. It looked a lot older, a lot more worn, but the woman on the front was more beautiful than anyone she has ever set eyes on. She searched for a name and eventually discovered this magazine featured Marilyn Monroe. She touched the cover. It was almost as if she could feel beauty resonating from the cover. Her platinum locks reminded her of her own shiny, blonde tresses. She opened the magazine and observed. She didn't know a picture could make you feel such emotion. No longer was she uncomfortable with the thought of nudity. Although, years later she would admit that any normal girl would have been repulsed, she just assumed she was born to do this.

1979-1985

Melody's teen years were a blur. Her only influence since the night she got a hold of her magazines was Marilyn Monroe. Everyday she curled her hair into cute pin-up locks. She wore deep red lipstick and pale powder. She had also been wearing heels since she was twelve years old. Her whole adolescence was covered in vanity and gossip. Girls called her a slut and didn't understand her, and boys just wanted to get in her pants. With her take no prisoners attitude toward everyone she remained at home for most of her days, reading, swimming, and taking pictures with her Polaroid. The older she grew the more aware she was that her body was developing. She didn't dare tell anyone of her dreams but it was hard for them to be crushed when she lived in a big California home only an hour away from all the playboy action. For years she continued to steal magazines from her father. By this time her mother had left. Her father had been abusing her mother for years and one day she just up and left. It's funny, she didn't really resent her mother for leaving without her. And she never once resented her father for causing her to go. She was always a daddy's girl, thriving for his approval. Melody's father was a lawyer, one of the best in California. He dealt with fraud cases, and copyright infringement mostly. She always assumed it was because abuse and crime cases slept too close to home for him to handle. Nevertheless, he was damn good at his job. One hot summer day Melody's father asked her if she would like to take a ride with him, and that he had a very important appointment. He told her she would have to behave and stay out of the way. Saying yes was the best decision she had ever made.

July 28th, 1983

They drove up to the pearly gates of the Playboy Mansion. It could have been heaven. Hell, it was better than anything she'd expect in the afterlife. Just driving in through the gates made her feel like a barbie going into her dream house. Her father noticed her excitement, just as he noticed her love of women throughout the years. He always knew she would take his magazines, and it was clear she was attempting to resemble Marilyn Monroe, but as he drove up with her in the car, only 16 he looked at her in a different light. He finally saw a lady, not a girl. They parked their car and went into the house to be greeted by a servant, Melody was speechless. She walked alongside her father until they reached the backyard. She saw a huge pool, a volleyball net and a plethora of diverse, half naked women enjoying every second. She yearned to be one of them. Her father walked to a table placed strategically, so a view of the ladies was always available. There was a handsome man, about 50 years old sitting at the table, looking content. He wore a robe and a smile, both extremely well. All the years she peeked at the magazines, she never once knew anything about Hugh Hefner. She remembers how nervous she felt when her dad, greeting Hef, came to a quick realization that he left all of his files in the car and had to run back to get him. He told her to stay put and that he'd be right back. When he left, she couldn't help but marvel at Hugh. For a middle aged man he looked incredible. She had crushed before but this was a different connection. And he hadn’t even uttered two words to her.

“Oh hello there, sweetheart!” He said

“Uh, hi.” She was so nervous she could barely breathe. Being here, seeing it all, yet being so far away from staying and calling it her own.

“Is this your first time here?” he asked pleasantly

“Mhmm, it is. What about you?” (She soon came to realize what a silly question that was.)

Hugh just chuckled

“Honey, I own this place.” He said, holding back laughter.

“Really...” She was now utterly speechless. Everything she had admired and looked up to in her life had been created by this wonderful man in front of her.

“Absolutely, and as long as you’re here, you are family. Me and my girls enjoy a stress-free, well we attempt at enjoying a stress-free life. Your father has been a good friend to me for the last few months, he talks of you fondly.”

That was the start of a beautiful relationship.

August 26rd,1990

For years Melody's father hung around the mansion but as old age set in he was a lot less mobile. By the time Melody was 23, her father was 66, and was struggling with lung cancer. Melody never felt the need to go to college, as she spent all of her free time at the mansion with Hef and the girls. The girls at the mansion understood her, and her needs for attention and love. They didn't think she was weird for her mannerisms or interests. After her father passed away in the early nineties, Melody went on to become one of the top Playboy centerfold's of all time. Her photo shoot depicted a Dark Alice in Wonderland. She, of course moved in the mansion and stayed with Hef until her early thirties. Although they never dated they both knew out of everyone in this world, they understood each other the most, maybe even more than themselves. It's a once in a lifetime thing when you find someone that gets you, and even understands your faults. She eventually moved on to buy a house down the road, she started a small fashion business. Her and Hef remained best friends till the day she died, and even afterward.

March 9th,2012

She removed her hand from his face and watched as he got up to the podium.

I was asked to write Melody's eulogy. Nothing pains me more than to come up her and talk about her premature death, but what I can say is I'm happy such a wonderful person was in this world at all. I met her when she was only sixteen years old, and ever since I’ve known her I have been happier than I ever have before. I know my ladies and I will miss her dearly, but we will see her again, eventually. Her beauty stopped people in their tracks, I know she made my heart skip a beat. But we won't mourn her, I refuse to anyways. We are going to spend today reflecting on the love she brought to our hearts, and partying hard just like she would have wanted us to.

A tear streamed down Hugh's eye as he sat back down. Centerfold by J. Geils Band started playing, Melody's favourite. Melody took one last look at Hugh. Her funeral was over so she now had to go into the light. She ran over and kissed him on the cheek and then vanished further into invisibility.

Hef went home that night feeling contented. He knew she was there, he felt her cool hand across his face and he could still hear her cute giggle in his mind. And that alone, was enough to keep him going.