the worst / zayn malik

She took another sip of the deep red wine, letting it flush her system even more. She began to forget where she even was but when she sat her glass back down on the table she remembered that she was in her kitchen. But even then, she forgot what room this table was in and what house this room was in. After another sip, her mind began to fuzz more and she was unaware of the drink she was consuming until she looked down at the purple tinted drink and then to the half empty bottle that had a wine label on the front.

She stood from the table, abandoning her umpteenth glass of alcohol and trailed her fingers along the wall as she made her way to the bathroom. She forgot the reason she came here but when she saw the tub, she decided a warm bath would wash away her thoughts even more than they were already gone.

Why was I even drinking in the first place?

She stripped down bare, her clothing falling off one by one until the cold air drafted all around her skin. She turned the knobs on the bathtub, watching the steam rise as the bowl filled with scalding water.

She stepped in, wriggling her toes in the heat before seeping all the way in, feeling the goosebumps from the cold air fade away from her reddened skin that was burning from the bathwater. She laid back, allowing her hair to get heavy from the water. His image suddenly popped in her head and she closed her eyes and shut off her airways before sinking underwater. She wanted to be able to breathe underwater but she couldn't. There was no escape from air as she held her breath. She didn't know what he was doing to her. What she was doing to herself. She stayed under the water for as long as she could. Her body was struggling for air but she wasn't allowing it until she couldn't hold her breath for any longer. She resurfaced, taking in a few deep breaths until she captured the air in her throat, going back under.

I need him. No I don't. I love him. No I don't.

Her hands remained afloat at the surface and they waded through the bath, her whole body becoming numb to the heat.

He made her this numb.
The alcohol made her this numb.

She knew her lips were turning blue from the restriction of oxygen and she came back up, inhaling deeply.

I don't need him. Yes I do. I don't love him. I would die for him.

Gasping in another breath, she sunk to the bottom of the tub. The intoxication in her system was causing her to struggle to find her thoughts. She had none. Besides him. He was her only thought.

I need him and I love him.

More chill bumps rose on her skin once more under the burning water that she could no longer feel. She came back to the surface, taking in air as she opened her eyes for the first time since she had closed them. She stared at the tile walls around the tub, shining against the golden-white lights of the bathroom.

I hate him and he is the last thing I need.

She closed her eyes and went back underwater. Her hair floated around in the liquid and she felt a lot lighter in the water.

I felt like nothing. I was nothing. I am nothing to him, and he is nothing to me. He is my everything.

She sat up, listening to the water fall back into the tub and opening her eyes. She saw her blurred reflection in the faucet as she lifted the drain knob. The sound of the drain sucking in the water echoed around the bathroom and she could only wish it would take her away with the water as easy as the alcohol took away her mind. She stood and stepped out of the tub as the drain continued to take in the water.

I need him to take me away like the drain takes the water. I don't need him for anything.

Taking a white towel and wrapping it around her body that was now shivering from the surrounding air, she stepped out of the small vicinity of the bathroom and into her bedroom, pulling out various drawers to find her sleeping attire.

She dropped her towel onto her white bed set and replaced it with a large white t-shirt. It was his. She realized then that She didn't only need him, but she wanted him also.

A knock was suddenly heard on the door and she made her way to it, the wine still in her system. She unlocked the bolts and pulled the door open, revealing the person behind it and a chill ran up her spine at his presence. The imagine of him temporarily blurred and she questioned if he was really there or if it was her drunken imagination. It was him, the one that she realized she needed, wanted, and most definitely loved.

"Zayn?"