An Unsmiling Smile

Suicidal Tendencies

I go through life wondering why?
Why do people die
Why do people cry
These things make me sad.
Then I think
Why suicide?
Why go on that horrible ride
Why leave people who were on your side?

Because, while the knife slides across skin,
Blood red pearl releasing sin
The good feeling of hurt
As it releases the bad creases

Why do you kill yourself
Why do you let  urself be hurt
Why dont u become so sad
Wheres the love you once had
What did you do to become so sad
Arent you happy now?
People die, so why arent you here now?
Why did you try
Why did you cry
Why didnt you try to be happy

It always ends in me feeling crappy
Why do i let my gaurd down
In the end i drown
In my own sorrow
My body feels hollow
Void of emotion
I have a smile
It shows all the time
But just like a penny its worthless
My smile is only real
If i can actually feel
Although my smile isnt real
Outside im smiling,
Inside im dying,
Yeah im smiling,
But at night im crying,
Drip drip, my blood falls down
Drip drip, my frown is upside down
Drip drip, my smile comes back
Drip slash, a cut deeper than ash.
Drip pour, im alive no more
Blood pouring out, my sickness falling out
Blood comes out, relief from doubt
No more blood?
Well it looks like a flood.
No more blood?
Its all on the floor.
No more blood to settle the score,
No more blood to come out and poor
Emotions refilling the pores resetting the scores
Filling back up with blood.
To live once again
Take a ay the pain
And the lines of red stain
Restarting the brain
Recreating memories

Those memories lay, there in the night astray
Lighting the way, brightening up the day
Only to find someone dead, seing everything colored in red.
Youre friend is on the ground
Looking ng old and unfound,
Go ahead cry, no one will blame you

I will hold you close. Go ahead cry sigh and sniffle. I will lend a shoulder be strong as a boulder and look back on this day. Happy that you did not lay beside ur friend astray. Become a beacon lighting the way please do not leave stay. There are people who still love you so dont shut urself out. Do not scream and shout. It wont bring them back people die all the time.

I sit here thinking
Thinking of something
Smile turning into a frown
Sadness sits upon your head
A blue and tear stained crown
A blade resting on a tanned bed

My thiughts go to the past
Will this sadness always last
A line is forming on my wrist
Tinged with grief and colours of red
My eyes holding a shaky mist
My mind racing at what is said

I just want to shriek
A small little peek
I just want to hide
I just want to keep everything in
Like a wall against the tide
But im easily crushed like tin

I dont want to be sad
I dont want to be mad
I just want to be me
I dont want to be depressed
But yet i dont want to be me
I want to be depressed

My smile fades from existence
The blade gives me assistance
To keep my fears at bay
To show that i can still bleed
If they see the cuts i will say im okay
But all im doing is uprooting this seed

As the knife slides across skin
My smile returns to kin
Cuts are a guilty pleasure
Cuts are a bloody guilt
Cuts reveal a ruby treasure
Cuts are a bloody guilt

A patchwork of lines
Red, inflammed signs
More refreshing than air
A shaken boy with wide eyes
More unfair than fair
Watch as he cuts and cries

Someone nobody gets
Shaking with sobs like he has turrets
A silent sob
He feels sonsmall
These feeling they rob,
Showing him how to fall

Falling is hard
The cuts depressions calling card
Its a smile after all
Its fake, more than fake
Listen to the blade, listen to the call
Listen to the silent so s that shake

The boy realizing whats at his neck
He runs his hand, only to check
Nothing there
The botly really has gotten low
The boy seems not to care
The boy has nothing to show

That boy became me
That boy is me
The unsmiling smile
The unkown force
He awaits his trial
Straight to the source

The boy and i are one
What have i done?
My smile is always there
My smile isnt real
My smile is to show i care
My smile i the seal

My heart just wants to stop
My veins just want to pop
My arm feels warm
Under the blade
My eyes darken at the ruby treasure
My envy like green jade
This is my guilty pleasure

I want to die, i want to cry, but i cannot do one without the other, so what will i choose? Neither, both, or just one, than the other later?