One place. There's only one place he could be. Shit, how could I get there quickly? How could I rush ahead and catch him? Shit.
Maybe I'm over thinking this, he might just be at home, sitting with a bottle of water, practising his drums.
I can't breathe.
The air felt so thin, so fragile to breathe, my world going black again. The road seemed to fade into a mist of black smoke, showering my thoughts and my ability to think.
Red. A hint of red.
I stumbled, tripping over my own feet with the thought of finding him again. I pull my hat back on and run, faster than ever towards that hint of red.
Man, I can't wait to see him again.
My eyes were still misty, all around me still faded, but that red was glowing brighter than ever. So pure and vibrant. It reminded me of him.
It reminded me of Josh.
Damn, he gave me so many emotions. The thought of him smiling, his aura giving me goosebumps, I couldn't help but smile when I'm around the guy. He was always something mysterious to me, not to mention his cotton candy hair. Oh just to run my fingers through his hair again. To Feel him close to me again. Again. That seems to pop up a lot doesn't it? As if I'm reliving the same moment over and over again? There it is again, man, what if I am?
What if I'm stuck in a loop with this daydream?
What if it's just a daydream?
I readied myself for the road ahead. A long, steady road, an infinite line of pure... Well, emptiness. We would walk along here from time to time, me and Josh, finding mere conversation with just our feet and minds. Food for thought perhaps. The tall pine trees towering over us like guardian angels, protecting us from the world outside. The red. Where is it?
Shit, I was bewildered by the fact I couldn't see it anymore. The black mistiness had left my sight, I could see clearly.
I could see Josh.
He faced away from me, on his knees as though he were praying, by he wasn't looking towards God. He looked down, towards the solid gravel that paved our way through so many dark times, through the good, the bad and the ugly, and he needed it now more than ever, that I knew.
I had stopped running at this point, and stood still to think of my next move. He was so silent, still, lifeless and motionless. What I had told him had made him broken, made him feel a pain he never should.
I was only a few metres away, close, but far away. I couldn't bring my thoughts together, let alone open my mouth to utter a word. What would I say? What could console him in this time of hurt?
"Turn away, if you could get me a drink, of water cause my lips are chapped and faded call my aunt marie..."
I was stunned, frozen still. I lifted my head towards him and stepped a little closer. He had never sang properly in front of me before, did he even know I was standing there? Did he know how much I loved the raspy croak in his voice, an angelic and beautiful sound? Did he know I admired his soft locks of cotton candy, red and vibrant and full of life? Did he know I missed his touch when he wasn't around? Feeling cold and empty?
I joined his melody, singing quietly and softly, so I could still hear him, "help her gather all my things, and bury me in all my favourite colours..." His head raised to eye level and he slowly turned and stood to see me. I walked closer, not breaking his eye contact.
"My sisters and my brothers still..."
I stood face to face with him now, his breath tickling my face as a tear rolled slowly down his face. I wiped it away with my thumb. His lips sealed closed, I continued on;
"I will not kiss you..." But damn how much I wanted to. I glanced down to his rosy lips, quivering in the cold of the afternoon of September.
" 'Cause the hardest part of this, is leaving you..." My voice cracked, I couldn't help it. His eyes, his lips, they intrigued me like nothing else. Nothing else could help me but him. My heart pounding as our chests rested against each other.
The black was coming back, dark and terrifying, and Josh was still red. Pure, vibrant red. Oh how I wanted that red.
"Tyler I can't do this without you" his voice was barely a whisper, his hand reaches towards my cheek, caressing it so gently. I lay my own hand upon it, staring into his eyes... His deep eyes. I couldn't look away, so I closed my eyes and took a breath. "Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you" I whispered. I opened my eyes again, and I felt my heart pounding more than ever, this is the only moment I had ever wanted with him, intimate and beautiful.
How will this end?
