Felt

Shattered

Have you ever felt.. off?
Like you're not yourself?
Like you're you.. you know you're you..
And yet you look in the mirror and think "Oh.. that's.. me.
That's me and I exist
And that's my face.
I am a person.
I have feelings.
So then...
Why the hell don't I feel anything right now?" And you look at yourself.
But you don't feel like yourself.
So you do something stupid.
Stick out your tongue.
Smile.
Cross your eyes.
And the person in the mirror does it all with you.
But that person isn't you.
The world around you is like a dream.

And you just feel... delicate.
You're careful with the way you touch things,
Gently folding a blanket,
Quietly getting a cup out of the cupboard,
Slowly putting down the book trying not to hurt it's thin pages,
Picking up your glasses carefully.. your grip barely there at all because maybe if you grab it a little too hard..
It will shatter.

Similar to yourself.
Be too rough with me
I shatter.
Things don't go the way I had previously imagined
I shatter.
Say anything to me.. anything at all
And I'll shatter.
Walk away from me
I shatter.
Drop me?
I shatter.
Please don't let me fall.

But this feeling
This strange, strange feeling
Lasts but a single day.
Maybe a few hours.

And you've no other way to describe it
Except for "Weird." "I don't know .. I just feel.. weird." "Sometimes I get into a weird mood." And during said mood you just want to lay down and cry.
Or sleep.
Or both.

You don't want anyone around you.
Your thoughts consume you.
And you're alone.

Which is what you want.
You want to be alone.
Alone.. protects you.

Even if it's been one person to hurt you
Even if it was only one person to do something to you?
You fell.
They let you fall.
And you shattered.

So now what?
You lay there
Your thoughts eating you alive
And you're alone.
Finally.
You're alone.