I turn the hot water on first and slowly add the cold.
"This should get it to the right temperature- no rephrase that- the adequate temperature." I think as I turn the facets of the shower.
I slip into the shower and feel my arms develop goosebumps as the water rushes over my skin.
Reaching for the shampoo my mind begins to drift away.
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"New year, new life"
I hear these words ringing in my ears constantly; it rattles around in my brain. What is this "new life" they speak of? Why is it that I seem stuck in this "life"? It feeds my anxiety and preys at my insecurities, eating away at me as a person. They spoke of this "new life" last year and the tears before that. There aren't any permanent or personal changes. There are only the temporary changes; things such as their style and the fads they go though. But once you remove they're new disguises, within their core, they are unchanging.
"Wow Becky, that was negative..."
"Well Becky, its true though, you can't change a person. Give them a chance: yes, but change: no."
I massage the conditioner into my scalp, mimicking a squid or octopus swimming with their great tentacles.
And what about aesthetics? I like the idea and look of aesthetic. Heck, I have my own aesthetically pleasing things. But why are the other people who have their own aesthetic so deeply enveloped in it. It appears they have let their aesthetic consume them. So intent of leading their "aesthetically pleasing" lives. I don't fit in with their "aesthetically pleasing" lives. Trying oh so hard to act as depressed and introverted as they can humanly manage. I understand that anxiety and depression are real issues people deal with- I deal with it every waking moment. But I truly believe if someone was dealing with depression they wouldn't be yelling out "Kill Me" or "I love nooses". That's just someone trying to bring attention to themselves. They want people to think that they're "dark" or "emo" by bragging about how loud they listen to their music or how many pair of earphones they broke because of it. This isn't real, this is fake. And fake is never a good quality to bear.
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I rinse off and towel up for the night
YOU ARE READING
Shower Thoughts
RandomShower thoughts. The strange things you think as the water hits your back. For some people it's where some visualize their plans for the day, others it's a calm place if reflection. For Rebecca, this is where her mind wanders from social problems to...
