Anna

Hello Earthling

"Hi, my name is Anna, and I'm about to tell you the story of my life. I grew up in a big city with both parents and even grandparents until the age of seven. I know, it sounds like an impossible heaven, right? Well, in a way, it kind of was. My mom was an illegal, and I know what you're thinking, but I'm not asking for a pity party. In fact, she was only a level two illegal. Still though, this made life a bit difficult for us all. We had to hide away from everything. I couldn't go to school and my mother could never get a job. The world could never know that we existed. As for my father however, he held a job at the toothpaste factory down the ally that we called our street. He provided for me and mom, not that he had much of a choice. He was a learning man, thoroughly learning all that he could, in any way that he could. You could've asked him about anything, from kella-lillies to barter-bombs, he'd know all there was to know about it. He was a good man and always wished that somehow, he might be able to go to certificate school one day, however, he would never put himself before his family. Though a learning man he may have been, family was always his priority. Sadly, the day came when he pushed self just a little too far for his family. He was killed in an accident at work many years ago. However, that is not why I came here today."

"Today, I wish to speak to you about the apocalypse, the apocalypse of ignorance that has filled this planets and it's inhabitants...uh...people, I mean." Several of the humans looked at me curiously as I stuttered, see, I work at a top secret agency called the F.B.I., and almost everything we do is classified. well, that's what they tell me anyways. They say it's because they can't have aliens from other planets knowing the secrets of their government. Speaking of which, I'm an alien from another planet. Yes, I'm fully aware that it's somewhat of a conflict of interest, but it's not like the humans know. As far as they're concerned, I'm just another one of them. 

So, what kind of alien am I, you ask? A shape shifter? No, no. Actually, it's easier to tell you the differences between me and the humans than the similarities.  The most noticeable things are my almost cornucopia shaped horns. Most of the other differences aren't all that noticeable now that I think about it. So instead of transforming myself into an entirely different species, to blend in I just cover up the differences. I use a magic wig, of sorts, to cover up my horns, some human hair dye to recolor the aqua colored eyebrows my kind is so famous for. Finally, my agency recommended a piece of clothing that looks a bit like a muscle shirt, and in fact, that's what it's for, to make me look like a man with muscle instead of a wimpy little woman. At least that's how they see things on this planet, however, I'd like to think that we could do equally great things, as we do back home. 

Speaking of home, I haven't been there in over ten years. The humans call it Gliese 832c and they like to make fun of it and call it a dirty booger, but what can I do about it? If I go off on them I'll blow my cover, so I just sit here and watch as they slowly decide which planet will be their next home. Last time their sun blew out, they moved here, kelper-186F, however, they just call it earth two. It amazes me that with the millions of years they've had, that they still haven't found another way to survive a blow out. They say they're advancing but really they're just getting lazier, not that I have much room to talk. On my home planet of Cronesis, we had so much more advanced technology, pants that knew when you needed to pee and jackets that knew when you were cold. Robots did all of the work, even making us exercise, all without programming. However, we were never scared of the robots because of the kill switch. The kill switch was created by our master and overlord, Otupious. 

You don't want to hear about that though. So my anyways, I got my job at the F.B.I. several years ago after virtually flying through what the humans call "training". I got through it in a matter of a single month whereas the average human usually takes about three. As I went through it I apparently broke every record they had(so much for my cover), which ultimately got me my job at the F.B.I.. They tell us that we have top clearance here but there are always rumors of other secret agencies that they won't tell us about. 

The most recent chatter is about an agency that protects the president. Supposedly they called themselves C.A.I.N.A.. This is controversial because the last time the president was allowed to have a protective detail was on earth one. The detail at the time assassinated the very same president that they swore to protect, and for money, no less. Since that day, the president has not publicly had a detail, though it's fairly well known throughout the F.B.I. that a few of them have had one privately. As far as the public knows, each of them have been offered their own bots for protection, but nearly all refused. However, the ones that accepted have all ended up dead, leaving the public with a general distrust for the bots. 

Anyways, on this job there's always more to learn. I suppose in that way you might call me a daddy's girl. however, if you actually did I would punch you in the throat. I'm always trying to absorb my surroundings and learn all I can from them. And though humans are primitive, it's quite interesting to watch them learn things that I learned back in the third grade. Comparing my knowledge to that of the humans would be like comparing their knowledge to that of one of their test mice. however, no matter how primitive they appear to be, I must keep in mind that they become the most intelligent primitive race in this universe.  Of the many universes in the multiverse, this is the only one in which humans exist beyond their stone age. In all the others, they die off slowly and painfully by way of the ice-age. Aside from the blackout that nearly killed off my kind centuries ago, the ice-age is the most well known catastrophe in this universe as well as the multiverse. 

The blackout also kills off my race in every other universe but this one and sometimes that makes me believe that this universe just got lucky. I can't imagine a world without humans or mono-sapiens! Let alone a world without either of them! The world would be in Chaos, every species in their stone ages!  Homo-sapiens discovered fire, water, and the scientific method, and my kind took that knowledge and expanded upon it one hundred fold by creating the complex manipulator theory, then building this thing called the turtle that is basically a time and multiverse jumper. It's called the turtle because of how slow the world around you looks when you hit hyper-sonic speed. I know, you were thinking it would some super science-y name that you wouldn't be able to pronounce, right?

Oh! That reminds me. There's something else you should know about me. I'm a time and space placer, T.A.S.P. for short.