Wolven

7. laws of loving

The breeze was more aggressive in the mountains than in town. I had to fluff up my fur against the chill, but it probably didn't help that my forepaws were buried in the stream in front of me. At least the rush of the water kept my mind more focused than it had been the past few days. Out in the forest, with no incessant chatter surrounding me, it was easy to get lost in thousands of different thought paths and the tangents they seeded.

Of course, I'd have to go back before the school day finished so I could drive my sister and some of the others home. It wasn't like me to skip out on class, though I got bored easily listening to some of my teachers drone on. Public school was different here than it had been in the Night Towns, but at least no one had disappeared as of yet. We had that going for us, at least.

A ripple in the stream set my reflection awhirl. Guilt flattened my ears against my head. It had been selfish to run away from the day like I had, but the pounding in my chest was physically painful, and walking through those halls for another minute might have sent me into a coma.

Jade made things incredibly complicated. Every time I thought of her, I wanted to dig myself into the ground. Why had I asked her on a date? my subconscious kept yelling at me. I knew it was wrong. As the Alpha's son, I had to find a real mate to help push my ring onward. Not some human who might never be able to keep up with the pack even if she knew what I was.

What I was...

As the water of the stream settled again, the face of the wolf in her drawing stared back at me: complete with clear eyes, the paler face markings, and... a nice ear shape. I blew out a puff of air through my nose; it crystalized as a thin cloud of breath around my muzzle. Frustration bubbled inside me, and I dug my claws into the stream bed.

You could turn her, the instinct at the back of my mind pointed out. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine Jade in wolf fur. The thought made my heart pound even harder. I couldn't make that decision for her, no matter how bad I wanted to. Being around her was a constant battle with myself, but her company felt so good. Natural, even.

It was just so wrong. Spending time with her would only make it harder for me to cut her off when I really absolutely needed to. And yet... I knew the fact wasn't going to stop me from trying to get with her anyways. Not after the feelings she'd set off inside me that night under the full moon.

"Clay?"

I nearly jumped out of my fur at the sound of Coal's voice behind me. I turned to find him pressed against the tree, his ears flat and his tail between his legs. I sighed, feeling my fur prickle. He was sneaky, that one.

"What's up?" I asked him, nodding my head for him to come join me. He padded up, his brown eyes uncertain.

"I saw you take off from the parking lot," Coal explained, sitting down at the bank a few feet behind me. He kept clear of the water, and even tilted his head at my paws still in the stream. I shook them off, going to sit with him on the bank. "You looked upset. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

I blinked at him; Coal, always quiet-spoken but loyal. A packmate through and through.

"Yeah, I'm alright," I told him, looking up at a bird chirping on a branch overhead. Coal was still watching me. His silence betrayed his disbelief. I met his gaze. "Just this stuff about Jade. Makes me feel like there are rats inside my chest scratching to get out."

Coal nodded, momentarily lost in thought.

"Let's keep walking," he suggested, stretching as he stood. He motioned for me to follow him, his tail still low. "Walking helps me a lot when I'm feeling anxious."

"Anxious," I snorted, matching his pace. "You think it's anxiety?"

"If it's more than nerves and you find it hard to shake, I usually find I'm experiencing it, yeah. Like you can't breathe all right, and no matter how hard you focus, the world is rocking just a little bit. Nothing feels like it's in its place."