For the Sake of Sanity

One and Only

White rooms, white walls, white tables. Everything was white! Not a pop of color in sight! I run to the end of the hall, no way out, no way to escape. White beds, white sheets, white lights, and nurses in white dresses here to deliver my daily dose of insanity. They inch closer, with more sinister looking faces. Monsters, dark dark monsters bound me as I sink to the cold ground.
"Stop it! Stop it! Leave me alone!" I scream, my lungs aching from lack of oxygen, warm tears stream my face. "Karmyn...Karmyn" They torment me. "Karmyn...KARMYN!" I feel one of them grab me and I'm jerked from the nightmare and met with my mothers face, distraught and panicked. I leap into her arms and sob "they wont leave me alone!" My mother embraces me hesitantly, in fear of what on Earth is wrong with her daughter.
"Its ok, my love, they cant get you now." She whispers softly in my uncomfortably silent room. She lays with me until I go back to sleep, but I never do. This has been happening for so long; the faces, the monsters, the rooms, the visions. It all makes me feel as if I have no control, its like I'm possessed. I look down at my wrist at the tattoo that has been there all my life. Are you the reason behind my distortion? You must have some role in this, I think, agitated and shaken. I look up at the ceiling and feel sleep tugging at my shirt sleeve, but I resist. I cant go back.

I hear my alarm clock go off and my mom raises up from the small bed.
"Time to get up." She mumbles, groggily. I watch as she walks through the doorway and into the vacant, dark hallway leading to her room. I get up and go to my closet where I throw on a pair of jeans and a red hoodie with my jersey number and name on the back. I was part of a girls soccer team a couple years ago. I was the star athlete. But due to my condition, I couldnt play anymore out of fear I would have a panic attack in the middle of a game. Coach told me that I could come to practices and work with them on technique and such, but I just wasn't allowed to be apart of the games. I didn't see the point.

As I make my way downstairs, I catch a glimpse of mom on the phone. I move in to hear the conversation.

"Yes, it happened again...they should be here soon..." Her voice lowers but I'm able to make out the last sentence.

"I know but Im left with no other choice, I dont know what to do." Panic starts to grow, my breath shortening. Stumbling backwards I race back to my room and slam the door shut. I could hear her footsteps creaking up the stairs with every click of her high heels. I have to hide. I have to hide! I think before lunging into my closet and locking the door behind me. Everything grew quiet for a split second until I hear her voice. "Karmyn...where are you?" she asks innocently. I hold my breath as her shadow extends underneath the door, she knocks and every thing seemed to freeze. Her shadow disappears and I exhale deeply, feeling as though I had held my breath for hours. I wait a split second and emerge from the closet. I plop down in the middle of the room, tears welling inside of me.
"See, your own mother doesnt even want you." A voice in the back of my mind calls out.
"Shes willing to put you in the one place you fear the most. How does that make you feel?" I curl into the fetal position and lay there, alone with the demons of my own thoughts. No...this can't be happening. This is just another nightmare. What if I did fall back asleep? I fail miserably trying to convince myself that this was anything but the cruel reality of my existence.

I have been so lost in thought I didnt hear my mom come back. "Karmyn...are you okay?" I ignore her, the fear turning into hatred in an instant. I didn't move or acknowledge the fact that she was trying to speak to me.
"I'm so sorry." It was the only thing she could possibly force out of her mouth at this point. Sorry is not going to be able to fix this.
"Leave me alone!" I yell at her, the rage of a million fires scorching her in her tracks. She lowers her head and falls silent. A few minutes later I hear multiple footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Ms. Itzel?" A deep voice calls from the hallway. It seemed to rumble the whole house with its intensity. This is it, this is where I enter my own personal Hell.