Worst Comebacks In History

Capítulo Uno: Worst Comebacks In History

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

J: Main documenter of Worst Comebacks In History. Author, illustrator, musician. Bibliophile and lover of vintage guitars. Often remains silent during exchanges between M and P.

P: Main provider of comebacks. Author, musician, and computer geek. Adores Harry Potter and cooking. Spends most of her time trying to annoy M. 

M: Specialises in sarcasm and humour.  Author and musician. Bibliophile and chocaholic.

Liz: Student seated in front of M, J and P. Her name has been changed for safety reasons. And because we don't like her real name.

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Origins

In a Spanish classroom. J is slumped on M's desk, and appears to be falling asleep. M is trying to push J off of the desk, while P is punching M.

M: Stop it! 

P: attempting to look innocent Stop what?

M: with sceptical look on her face You don't understand the meaning of subtlety, do you?

P: looking offended, and searching for a comeback Shut your face. Oh wait, you don't have one. 

M: What the hell?

J: suddenly recovered from her near catatonic state, and reaching for her notebook Right, I'm starting a list of worst comebacks ever. looking at P  That one is so going in there. 

M sniggers and P is trying hard to look offended, even though she's trying not to laugh

END

 Of Faces and Holes

Still in the Spanish classroom. Señora has the funniest way of making even the most exciting lesson seem boring. M is banging her head repeatedly on the desk, while P has resumed her failed attempts to hit M without her noticing. 

M: pointing her fountain pen in the direction of P's butt: I have a weapon. 

P: with terrified expression OK, OK, I'm sorry!

after some time

P: Hey M, you don't have a face. 

M: What?

P: Yep. It's a pile of dust, crumbled on your neck.

M: Right. You know that makes no sense whatsoever?

P: Go dig a hole and live in it.

At this point J sniggers, and M is desperately searching for a comeback. 

M: Go dig your face a hole and slam it.

Both J and P erupt into laughter (it's a miracle Señora doesn't notice)

P: in between fits of laughter Slam...it...doesn't...even...make...sense....

J: This is so going in the book.

while J is writing, M comes to her senses

M: Write in that hole at the end. Cos that's what I meant to say it like: 'go dig your face a hole and slam it in that hole'.