Light in the Window - A Kian Lawley Fanfiction

I waited in my bed, my eyes fixed on the ceiling above me. I waited to fall asleep, waited for this lonely, shitty night not finally come to a close. I had been lying, thinking for so long that the darkness had melted into my eyes until I could see perfectly fine, the corners of my room illuminated by the feint glow of the streetlamps outside of my window. I was painfully aware of the emptiness beside me in my bed. There was an emptiness between the blankets and sheets next to me, filled with cold 1 am air, and I was stuck wishing that it was filled with a nice warm body for me to cuddle and to make me feel less alone. I tried to forget how it felt to have that presence next to me, cause I knew remembering it would just make me even more upset, but I just couldn't. I couldn't forget the curve of his bare spine the warmth of his chest or the pale glow of his blonde hair, touched by the sun in the morning. 

I was tempted to check my phone, to provide myself with some entertainment while I was listlessly waiting for my eyes to close. But I didn't. I knew it would just make me feel worse. I was so mad at myself. It was Jc's 21st birthday. And I was missing it. He was one of my best friends. And I declined his party invitation, just because I was sad. Just because Oliver broke up with me. I mean, granted, I was allowed to be upset. He was the first love of my life, and he broke up with me to move in with another girl up in Portland. It was absolutely devistating. And I couldn't stop imagining his chest and his back and his stupid glowing blonde hair and it was driving me crazy. And it was driving me crazier that I said no to a fun party with all of my friends, just because of him. I never thought I would be the kind of person to let a guy take over my life like this. But then again, that's what I thought before I fell in love. And before I fell out of it. It's funny how insane love can make you. So I tried to forget him, and tried to keep my eyes off my phone to avoid all the instagram posts of my friends having fun together, all the tweets about the funny things people were saying and doing. All the feelings of lonliness. I was trying to avoid as much as I could. So I thought about Sunday instead. We were all gonna go to the Venice Beach Boardwalk, and this time I wasn't going to back out. I was gonna see all my friends. Jc, Connor, Ricky, Jenn, Jack, Kian. Everyone. And that was honestly the only thing really keeping me going.

I was drifting off, my mind drunk on the thought of finally doing something fun, a small smile even gracing my lips for a few seconds. Then a dull, white light lit up the room, bouncing off my ceilings and finding it's way into every corner. There was a feint buzzing coming from my bedside table. It took my tired mine a few moments to realize what it was. My phone. I picked it up, fumbling it with my fingers as it landed on the matress next to me. A name flashed across the screen, Kian Lawley. His name had a little picture of a bear and a sparkling heart next to it, making me smile slightly, as I realized the time. 3:47 AM. What on earth was he doing calling me that late? I picked up the phone.

"Kian?" I asked, my voice groggy from near-sleep.

"Anna, yeah, hi," He said, his voice shaking. I couldn't tell if he was terrified or crying but there was definitely something wrong.

"What's up dude, you okay?" I asked, concerned, sitting up in bed, my voice more alert.

"Uh, I mean, not-" He said, stumbling over his own words.

"Kian?" I called his name again, his stream of words stopping abruptly.

"I'm outside." He said, sort of defeated. "Can I come in? Please, Anna, I know-"

"Of course Ki," I said, stopping him again. I got up from my bed, only wearing a hoodie and underwear, but I was honestly comfortable enough around him to get him like that. I rushed to the door, stumbling a little in the dark, unfamiliar halls of my appartment. I had to buy it quick after Oliver left, I couldn't afford my old one by myself. The arrangement of the halls felt all wrong, and it smelled all too new, not like a home, where someone actually lived, but a neatly kept display house with plastic on the furniture and industrial cleaned window panes. I reached the front door, slipped on some flipflops, and opened the door.