Worst Comebacks In History

Of Weather Girls And Excellences

Capítulo Dos: Of Weather Girls And Excellences

NB: Some words you might not be familiar with:

excellence (n): Point system at M, J and P's school. Do something excellent: get an excellence. At the end of each term, you count up your excellences, and get a certificate or even a badge if you get a certain amount. All of them must be counted and signed by the teacher who awarded them by a deadline (in this case, Tuesday). Excellences also count as house points (see below).

house (n): Common in most (British) schools. The school is divided into groups (usually four, as in M, J and P's school), which are called houses. Think Harry Potter. The houses compete in various competitions (EG Interhouse Music, Interhouse Drama, Interhouse Sport, etc.), as well as for the House Cup, which is based on how many excellences each house has collected over the course of the term. Basically, it's the same as Harry Potter. 

List of Houses:

Arnold (green, M + P's house), Hastings (blue), Meredith (red), Scott (yellow, J's house)

***

Weather Girls (again)

In Spanish classroom. This time it is M who is falling asleep. J is sitting in between M and P, following the previous lesson (see previous chapter). Here, Señora will be represented with anS.  

S: droning Now, who wants to be a weather girl?!

P: being annoying Ooh, ooh! M wants to! She wants to!

Pause during which M glares daggers at P. If looks could kill, P would be dead.

M: No thanks, I'm good.

S: Come on, darling!

M: stubbornly No.

S: in that tone you use when you talk to a stray dog Come on...

M: I don't want to.

S: Ah, it's a shame! It's the final week for excellences this week! Everyone wants to get as many as they can! And I gave everyone who was a weather girl last week an excellence!

Random Student: What house are you in, Señora? 

S: Um...makes face that looks like she's constipated Umm...you know, the um...the green one!

P: eager Arnold?

S: Arnold! That's the one!

P whoops while M rolls her eyes

S: So come on, darling.

M: I don't want an excellence.

P: Yes you do. 

M: in strained voice No I don't, P.

P: Come on, M! to S She really does want to.

M: No I don't! muttering Don't want no fucking excellences.

P: But-

S: being sensitive for once in her long and sleep-inducing life P, there are times when you have to...nods towards M you know.

M: still muttering Masturbate?

P: sighing melodramatically It's a shame...M's really passionate about it. referring to weather girling but implying, to M and J, that she's talking about masturbation.

M: talking to P Go fuck yourself. With a frying pan. Carries on with her creative use of the English language

END

J: Both of you, keep calm and fudge off.

M: Don't you mean fuck? Fuck, fuck, fuck...and so on and so forth

J: Of course I do, honey. You know that.

terminó