The Lurking Monster

Deep breaths aren't going to help you, I'm always lurking little girl.

Trying to ignore the voice, I keep walking, eyes forward. My other self, or as my friend calls it, the monster, threatens to take over as I approach the school. It's a dreadful place, with darkness seeming to prowl behind every corner.

Of course nothing is there. It's just the monster trying to scare me. This tactic had stopped working a long time ago, but it tries every day. Although that is only the mildest attack the monster has in stock.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and head to my first class. I have no idea why i am even in physics, I don't need it for college. However I am taking it, and that is the place the monster tries it's second weapon. Every day. As if on cue, the moment I enter the classroom the monster slithers up beside me. It whispers, for only me to hear or see.

You know, I think you're gonna fail this test. You don't even know what you're doing. I mean c'mon, last night as you were studying you didn't get that one question right. Plus there's theory on this test, not exactly your strong point. Just give up, you know you can't do this. Just walk out of here, do not even try.

And that's when I feel it, for the first time today. The icy grip of the monster. It blossoms like a grotesque flower in the pit of my stomach, and I am soon fighting to calm my heart rate. In my haste to sit down, I trip over myself, and the monster creeps up behind me, sending shivers down my spine. Shutting my eyes as tight as I can I start counting my breaths.

By the time the rest of my classmates are shuffling into class the monster no longer has his grasp on me, but is standing just behind me. Out of reach, but still close enough, keeping me aware of his ugly presence.

Ember, my best friend, plunks down right beside me as the second bell is ringing. She gives me a grin, and starts playing with her auburn hair. I beam back at her, despite the monster being there, and act like nothing's wrong. She knows of the monster of course, but I would rather not voice it, especially after the almost crises before she got here.

As my teacher hands out the test, I fully expect the monster to chime in again, but thankfully it doesn't. Ember finishes before me, and she gives me a reassuring smile as she stands up, however I still feel the monster lightly touch me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I take a deep breath and begin to look over the test. By the time I have gone over it twice, the monster is starting to show itself more prominently, and I hurriedly hand in my test. Once I am back in my seat my foot starts tapping, as if on it's own accord. I try my hardest to count my breaths, but I can't seem to focus.

I waited until you finished your test, I'm such a good friend to you. You should be thankful to me. I could've made myself more known at any time, but I waited. Just for you. Now, you are mine.

I shiver and squeeze my eyes shut again. Throwing my red hair behind my shoulder, I slowly get up to leave. I clutch my stomach as I walk down the hallway, as if it will help, silently wishing I had some music to help subdue the monster. I can still feel the flower blossoming when Ember catches up to me and leads me to the bathroom.

By the time we are there, I feel like I can't breathe. No air is getting in. My face starts to feel fuzzy. As if on impulse, I slide down the wall and sit on the floor. While I'm gasping for breath, Ember is saying something. I can't understand her, her voice sounds fuzzy. My head starts pounding. And then, as quickly as it came, it's over. The monster still has his vile grip on me, but I can breath. My head still really hurts.

I let it stop. Remember that. I am a good friend to you.

The monster whispers in my ear, and I start hearing what Ember is saying. "Deep breaths, the worst of it is over. You're safe. It's ok. You're ok," she says, practically a whisper, as if I am a deer that is startled easily. She looks me in the eye, "Amala, you are safe, I'm here, take a deep breath."

Nodding my head I take a breath in, and hold it. Eventually I feel ok enough to speak, "Thank you," I croak.

"No hun, you needed me so I'm here. Don't thank me. You do so much more for me, I'm here for you," practically whispering the last part, Ember stands up and offers her hand to me. When she pulls me up she also pulls me into a hug, while I try to not stain her shirt with mascara.

Laughing, I say with the straightest face ever, "Hey, at least one of us still looks cute."

Ember scoffs and looks down at herself, "Not even. There's a stain on my pants, and this shirt is ratty."

"I'm a mess though. I mean mascara running down my face isn't exactly attractive," I reply, smiling at her. As our banter continues I feel the monster glare, and slowly dissipate into the shadows.

With my music blaring, Ember and I make our way back to the classroom, and the bell rings soon after. I have a spare in second, which gives me some alone time to just sit and do nothing. I usually read, but today I opt to sleep instead. Usually after the monster does me a "favour", I feel drained, today especially.

The amount of influence the monster has on me is a scary thought, but I chose not to think of that right now. Burying the image of the monster deep in my head, I plop down on one of the chairs in the corner of the library. My eyes drift closed with the thought of another battle against the monster won, for now.