"No." Not something everyone hears

The word "NO"!!

We went to a bar for our first date. He was handsome in a way that intrigued me, but didn't intimidate me. He insisted on buying my drink, and I insisted we split it. But before I could even reach for my wallet his plastic card was sliding across the bar counter top.
It went as well as first dates usually go, we revisited the small commonalities we had. Things like family and the minor stresses of our jobs. He made a few jokes that I thought were worth a small laugh, but gave a big one instead. After I finished my first drink he bought me another, after the second drink he flagged down the bar tender for a third. I could feel myself getting tipsy.
I was two vodka sodas in and drinking on an empty stomach. So I told him I should call it a night. He made fun of my early curfew and asked if I drove myself, while grazing my knee with his thumb. I said I took an uber, so he asked if I needed a ride home. I said no but again he insisted. He said he wanted to make sure I got home "safe". I remember how he shot me a toothy smile, how I trusted him. I remember how in that moment I believed him. So I said yes.
As we walked to the car I felt a pit in my stomach even though I couldn't pin point why. I reminded myself that he did all the right things when it came to dating. He showed up on time, he told me I looked beautiful, he held the door. He's a nice guy, right? When we got into the car I feel the space around me getting smaller and the pit in my stomach begins to grow.
He put his hand in my thigh and in that moment I realized how alone we were. I realized we were still just two strangers. When we pulled up to my house I told him I was tired, I told him he could pull over and drop me off right there. That, that would be perfect. He asked if he could come in for a drink of water. He said he was feeling the few drinks he had. That he didn't feel like he could drive home just yet. The pit in my stomach was still there but I told myself I was being crazy.
I told myself I couldn't be responsible for a drunk driver on the road. I told myself that it was fine, that he was a nice guy. So I said yes and let him inside. When we got inside I headed straight to the kitchen to grab his glass of water. I wondered if my roommate was home, I wondered how long he would stay. He took a small sip of water and walked toward my room without invitation. His barley touched water glass still siting on the counter. When he got to my room he touched the books in my self, skimming their back covers. He turned a picture of me little sister and I over in his hands. And then he moved forward coming towards me. At first I let him kiss me, I let tongue part my lips. And his hand rested on the small of my back. I told myself I would kiss him back but only for a few seconds. I told myself that after he kissed me after he was done, he would leave.
Then his kisses got harder, his hands move more quickly. Suddenly, my spine was hitting the door frame. Suddenly, he was being too rough and harsh. As I tired to pull back he pulled me towards him even harder. I told him I tired. I told him I have my period. I told him my roommate was home. That I don't want to go any further. I told him to slow down, but he didn't. So I closed my eyes and wondered, when he would stop? I wondered if agreeing to have sex with him would be easier than the alternative. I hated myself for thinking it, but as he pressed up against me I thought maybe I should just get it over with. But I didn't get it over with.
I wiggled then I shifted and moved his body off mine. I told him to stop, and I said it loudly and with purpose. And luckily, finally he did stop. But they don't always. And that's the thing about nice guys, you can't always pick them out. They have good haircuts, and they open doors, they pay for your drink and laugh at your jokes. And the ask about your family, and sometimes nice guys do those things. Not because they are nice, not in the real sense of the word. But the associate doing those thing with getting what they want. Or at least deserving it. I found out the hard way that in modern dating that translates to, "If I spend 50$ on you, you better sleep with me." I'm sick of hearing about the friend zone and being called a tease. I'm sick of the unwritten rule that if someone spends their time or money me that it makes them worthy of my physical affection. Maybe their will be times were I am just tired. And maybe their will be times were I am on my period. And maybe their will be times were my roommate is home. Or when the time just isn't right. And maybe none of things will be true, but you know what. I still don't need a reason for saying no. My body is my own, it can be bought for three drinks at a dimly lit bar. Or flowers. Or tickets to a show. But is bought  with love and compassion.