“The number you have dialed is unattended or-“
For the nth time wala pa ding sumasagot
For the nth time I’m trying m best not to burst in tears.
I look around. The moonlight reflects the place. I organized this candlelight dinner all by myself. Ako lang.. kasi I wanted to surprise him in his birthday. Pero bakit ganun? Bakit di ata nang yayari yung expectation ko? It's already 10:58 pm Bakit hanggang ngayon he wasn’t’t here? Bakit if feels like he’s not my boyfriend?
I wear a baby blue flitted dress. My friends said I look like an angel sent from above. Pero aanhin ko ang kagandahan ngayong gabi if the guy I wanna impress wasn’t here.
This morning I called and greeted him. We spend 20 minutes or so talking. Pero kung may makakarinig samin na ibang tao masasabi nyang we weren’t like couple. I asked him what his plans are. He just said na mag pa-practice. Tomorrow nalang daw sya mag cecelebrate since Sunday na tomorrow. He has to practice for their upcoming basketball game for next week.
And as an understanding girlfriend I should understand him... I should … kasi he is professional basketball player and he have to practice hard for the finals. I should understand him kasi naintindihan ko na sya before.
When he didn’t accompany me in my father’s tomb para gunitain ang FIRST DEATH ANNIVERSARY nya. Inintindi ko sya nun kasi it’s HIS MATE”s BIRTHDAY. Mababaw? Maybe for him but not for me.
Inintindi ko sya nung hindi nya naalala kung ilang taon na kami. Inintindi ko sya kahit na gusto ko na syang sigawan. Sinabi nya na hindi mahalaga ang pagbibilang ng years or months or days. Ang mahalaga magkasama kami at nagmamahlan. But I’m just a typical girl na nagvavalue ng kaliit-liitang detail.
Inintindi ko sya ng mainis sya sakin ‘coz of my sudden mood swing nung menstruation period ko. Kahit na nasaktan na ko nun. Doesn’t he know that women are sensitive and hot headed when they have ‘it’? Doesn’t he give a damn to care kasi Im having dysmenorrhea? Pero I keep myself from being mad. Wala namang mangyayari if magagalit ako. Mag aaway lang kami
Iniinindi ko sya everytime na halos di ko makitaan ng sweetness ang actions and texts nya. Ganun naman kasi tlaga sya eh. Di sya showy. And I love him for who he is.
Inintindi ko sya when he denied that he have a girlfriend for 3 years nang tanungin sya sa isang interview. Of course I got mad at him I don’t deserve to be treated that way. Pero ng ipaliwanag nya sakin na he have to do that for my safety kasi daw baka magkaroon ako ng haters. He had to do it para rin sa career nya. That’s our biggest fight pero ipinaliwanag din sakin ng pamilya nya and even our friends na he have to do that. He have to..
I love him. Love was before a big word for me. Love means sacrificing, understanding, caring, happiness and last love means pain. And pain, hurt lahat na that’s what I’m feeling.
Pinanuod ko ang kandila sa cake na binake ko. Hinarang ko ang dalawa kong kamay to prevent the flickering light to die. Nauubos na yung kandila. Siguro kahit na anong protekta ko sa apoy na nang kandila mauubos din tong kandila at kapag naubos to… I know the light will eventually die.
I felt a hot liquid flows down to my cheeks. I brush it off quietly
“TIgnan mo yung luha ng kandila kumalat na sa cake, di na natin ko makakain” I pretend na nakikipag usap ako kay Jake. I touch he wet liquid sa gilid ng kandila and pinatuyo sa finger ko. I usually do this when I was a kid especially kapag undas. I took my phone from my bag and first read the message from Jake. It says: Kathleen, sorry can’t meet you tonight. I’m with my friends. May surprise…
I didn’t bother to continue reading.Friends again. He chose his friends over me. Am I being mababaw? Am I being narrow minded?
I found myself crying. I thought wala na kong iluluha pa. I cried it all last night. Then why may natira pa para iluha ko ngayon.
I’m tired. Ako nalang ang nag hohold sa relationship na to. Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.
I dialed my mom’s number. Sinabi ko na pauwi na ko and I’m ready to go with them. I know it’s time para sarili ko naman ang palaguin ko. I’m going to Australia not only para makamove on but also to fulfill my dreams.
Inilibot ang paningin ko sa backyard ni Jake. I’m gonna miss this place. I bet walang gantong lugar sa Australia. Pero ang pinaka mamimiss ko is Jake. I know for the past 3 years of our relationship minahal nya ko. I am so sure of that. Pero this year, our third year, wasn’t the same as the first two years. Hindi ko din alam ang nagyayari.. hndi ko alam if busy lang ba sya or nagsasawa na sya…
But one thing na sure na ko. It’s time for me to go.
I put my letter sa table. This letter was the reason kung bakit iyak ako ng iyak kagabi. The letter contains my love for him and also my reason for breaking up with him. But I didn’t dare to write about sa pagpunta ko sa Australia.
Tonight should be the last date na gagawin namin. I wanted to leave a memorable date bago kami mag break. Pero I think mas masaya sya kasama ng friends nya
Naglakad na ko papunta sa front yard ng bahay nya. But before lumiko ako I gave one last look to the place.
The candle was flickering unti-unti na syang namamatay not because o the wind but because natutunaw na sya
“Goodbye, Jake”
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I badly need a criticism to this one-shot. By the way CRITICISM na makakapagdevelop sa so-called talent ko. Salamat :)
