Letters From Laura

25

Journal,

The funeral is tomorrow. Everyone is living in slow motion. Nobody is in the mood to talk to one another.

After breakfast I hid in the linen closet until supper time with my mum's diary and if anybody noticed my absence today, no one mentioned it.

I do not feel like a part of this family. I feel like a nuisance, like an extra piece to a puzzle which has already been completed. Where do I fit in?

Sometimes I feel like attaching boulders to my feet and jumping into the lake. Would anyone truly miss me?

I have read my mother's diary. The entries begin when she is just a girl and ends when she was 18 years old. The notebook had been in that crevice for 24 years.

Here is what I know:

My mum and dad knew each other growing up and my dad always loved my mom while she felt only neutral about him.

My mother was always jealous of my dad because his family seemed perfect.

Thomas Ridley was (is?) an alcoholic who constantly cheated on his wife.

My mum left Norwood the day before her 18th birthday to escape her chaotic family and my dad's unwanted affection.

There were some pages torn out from the middle of the book, as if she regretted writing about something.

In the last entry, mum talks about meeting some blokes in town and running away to be in a band.

Of course, I don't know whether or not she ended up doing that. There is still so much I need to know.

If she left Norwood, how did she end up back here?

If she didn't love my father, why did she marry him?

When did the name change occur and why?

It seems that rather than answering my questions, the diary has only added to the mystery. I contemplated going to tell Victoria about it but when I approached her door, I could only hear her crying.

No, it is best that I do this on my own.

But where do I go from here?

I am lost.

I am alone.

I am going insane.

-Loony Laura