Best Friend + Matthew Espinosa

51. The note

"Here I got you a glass of water." Ryan comes back from the kitchen to the living room with a glass cup of water in his hand and a plate of brownies. "I also got you some brownies. Wanted to give you some to taste it incase i finish it." He licks his fingers that had brownie crumbs on them. He hands it to me with a sweet warm smile and take seat next to me. I let out a small giggle and took the plate of brownies.

Even though I'm feeling sad, Ryan indeed knows how to make me smile just by saying one word. He's a great best friend honestly.

"Thank you, Ry." I thanked him. "For always being there for me whenever I need someone." A memory ran through my mind. The memory when we went hiking and Matthew and I got in an argument and Ryan ran after to me to make sure i was okay. It that it's an example of a caring friend, then i don't know what is.

"No problem, Jannalyn. I'm always here for you." He smiles. "If you ever need something or even someone, i'm always here, okay?" He places his hand on my shoulder, i nodded smiling. I take a bite of the brownie, i moaned at how good it tasted. "See? Good, right? I'm a pretty good chef as you can see." I didn't say anything and just giggled. Didn't want to ruin his dreams.

My giggled died down when something crossed my mind when I glanced at Ryan. I look down at my brownie and the back up at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

Guilt rushed over me. I remembered about earlier, how I was about to kiss him. I stopped myself so that wasn't cheating, right? Plus, cheating is when I kiss another guy but I didn't kissed him. but I thought about it, is that worse? I think so. I thought about kissing another guy other than my boyfriend, how cruel is that.

"I was about to cheat on Matthew." I mumbled out. My eyes left his and stayed on my lap.

"Cheat? Because of earlier?" I slightly nodded. "Jannalyn that wasn't cheating, I mean you were about to cheat but you stopped yourself because you know you love Matthew. So that 'almost kiss' doesn't mean a thing, okay? Don't stress yourself about it, love." He rubs my arms comforting me.

"Why do I feel so guilty though?" I asked taking a sip of my water then placed it carefully on the wooden coffee table.

"Because you're thinking about it too much. Didn't mean a thing, think about that."

He's right. Why am I over exaggerating about this?

"Do you think I'm wrong?" I asked him. He gives me a confused look. "Like, is it right that Matthew should tell me about his past with Jessica? or I should just mind my own business and let him be because I have no clue what to do."

"Well, In my opinion, He should tell you about it if there's actually nothing terrible that happened between them but if he doesn't want to tell you then maybe he's trying to keep something from hurting you." He says. 

"Something as in a secret?" I can feel the lump in my throat begin to form.

"Maybe, if that secret is something big that will hurt you, then maybe he doesn't want to hurt you or doesn't want to lose you."

"He knows he'll never lose me." I said.

"If I was in his position earlier when you told him about the whole regretting to be with each other, i would ball my eyes out, dude. I can hear the hearts being broken from the kitchen." He points to the kitchen with wide eyes.