Be Strong, Be Smart – a father talks with his daughter about sex –This is a small powerful book written by a father to his 14-year-old daughter about her future sexual life. He talks about attitude, gender, fear, respect, anatomy, desire, orgasm, masturbation and, yes, love. This eye-opening read will appeal to mothers and fathers, sons and daughters everywhere; a great opportunity to read and begin a dialogue in a family.
Be Strong, Be Smart:
A Father Talks to His Daughter About Sex
by John Thomas Wood
Preface
I amDespite being the father of three children and, for reasons I cannot explain, I have not talked to any of them about sex. I wish I had walked bravely into those kinds of conversations—and I might have, if they’d asked for them. I had a good, candid relationship with all three of them and can’t think of a concrete, specific reason why I did not share more. I have no excuses, but maybe some regret.
It’s something that is missing in our culture: a broad and loving dialogue about sex between children and their parents. But I can’t assign blame to our society. The responsibility lies at my feet. While my children and I have had great talks about a lot of other things, the deeper conversation about sexual behavior has gone wanting—a product of my embarrassment, I guess, and that of my kids too.
What is the root of that embarrassment? I suppose it’s some kind of leftover Victorian shame about the body and its natural functions and the various acts of sex that most people still think are very private. Even after the so-called sexual revolution and the explosion of information and images available to young people, a meaningful dialogue between parent and child still seems to be lacking in most households.
And so, here is my small effort at correcting that, if not in my family, then in yours. This is not so much an attempt at sex education as it is a statement about how I would like to see my daughter, in particular, treat herself and the men in her life and how she will get what she wants and deserves in her relationships. If I have any wisdom at all, I’m going to try to stumble through the awkward moments and pass it along. The remainder of this is addressed to her, with love.
Maybe you could call this the conversation I wish I’d had.
A Beginning
My dear daughter,
Here is what I’ve been wanting to tell you about your relationship with the person you choose to be intimate with in your life. This is centered on sex, but not exclusively, as you will see. Even though I’ve really wanted to talk with you about this, I could not find the courage to be as open and explicit as I will be now.
I have a belief—something I learned from a love of mine a long time ago—that one’s sexual life is a microcosm of the whole of the relationship with one’s beloved. How we are in our sexual behaviors and attitudes is a direct and accurate reflection of the power, love, fear, and communication in our ongoing, everyday relationship. You will see this belief reflected in what I will share with you in this volume.
At the risk of embarrassing you, some of what I write here will be about my personal experience. And some will be lessons I have learned, from a variety of sources, that have rung true to me but that I have not necessarily experienced firsthand. The difference between what I’ve experienced and what I’ve learned from other sources is not really important; I just hope it rings true for you.
You didn’t ask for this to be written, but, as I started nearing the middle of my life, a certain feeling of responsibility and duty rose in my chest. This is not only for you, my daughter, but it is also for young men and women everywhere who are at, or near, the starting point of their sexual lives.
So let’s begin.
