Unfaithful

~•~•~•~•~
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
~•~•~•~•~

I used to ask people why they cheat. I used to question them that if they do love their partners, why do they have to find another one to love at the same time. But, does love really exist in your first relationship if there's a second one? And to those who were cheated, some go but most of the times they stayed. Why? Thinking about your partner might change? Hoping for a miracle to happen? Stupidity. That's the right term for them... for him. He is so stupid for still staying... by my side. How can he still smile and act like he doesn't know what am I doing? If he's stupid, I am a bastard, an asshole, a snake, a traitor. All the negative names you can think of, that's me.

I never thought I could do such drastic things to him. I took away the sparks in his eyes, the brightness in his smiles and the colors in his life. It was a mistake at first but then I made it a choice. I tried. I tried to go back to the person whom he trusted and loved with all his heart. The person who promised him eternal love. I did try but failed to do so. My friends told me that I throw away such a precious gem when I cheated on him. His friends even told me the same thing. The person who accepted me and my dark past. The person who thinks of me first before himself. The person who always understands me. The person who is willing to give up everything for me. The person who love me unconditionally. He is insanely beautiful. He is amazingly talented. He is unbelievably good-hearted. He is loved by many. You might be wondering why the hell I cheated on him. Honestly, I don't know. It's not an excuse, though. Just like what I said earlier, it was a mistake at first. Because of a few shots of tequila, our happy and loud relationship became dark and silent. I was involved in a scandal because of that. Me being a model doesn't help at all. It circulated on media right away like a high-speed train. It lasted for months which bothered him. He confronted me at first, but then shrugged it off. He didn't become cold but I know something has changed since then. He stayed. I'm happy he did. I want him. I love him. I was so sure of that. Not until I came to work with another model. In a matter of minutes, my attention was diverted to this person. I suddenly forgot about him. I am not going home anymore. We don't go out like we used to do. I am not calling him when I'm at work. Issues came out the media here and there. But he ignored it and stayed. I remember going back home after a few weeks. He still welcomed me with a smile on his face. He hugged me, so tight. He even kissed me. I am happy to see him at home, yes I am. That feeling when you're expecting someone will welcome you after a long day. I am being self-centered. I thought he's really fine with it. But I heard him crying himself silently one night. My heart broke into tiny pieces. That's the first time I heard him cry. I always hear his boisterous waves of laughter. I hugged him. I showered him with soft kisses until he fell asleep. He's an actual angel. He's so beautiful. He looks so peaceful when sleeping. But I know he's breaking. And it's my fault. I broke his wings, his heart. I ask him one day why he's still with me.

"Because I want to. Because I love you. Because you still let me stay. If you want me to let go of you, just tell me. I will. If it will make you happy."

If we were in the law court, I will be accused as guilty. And no, I will not plead for innocence and oppose on that. Because I am indeed guilty. But I didn't let him go. I became selfish. I want him for myself. I tried to be the person I was before. But I think 'history repeats itself' is true. Affairs here and there. He's receiving death messages from the people linked to me. And he still stayed.

"Why are you like this? Why don't you get mad at me? Why don't you shout at me, hit me, curse me? Why?"

"I told you before if you want me to leave you just tell me."