Jeffery Khalid

Jeff

I'm tired. I really am, I want sleep. My eyelids are heavy and sometimes I nod off. But as soon as it happens, the memory flashes and it jolts me awake. I reopen my eyes as fast as I can in order to make it stop because it hurts enough. The heavy feeling in my chest grows and the burn in my nose increases. Tears are the last thing I want right now. I don't want to end up crying, leaving me with a headache the next morning and miss school. I absolutely hate crying at night because it makes me feel like shit in the morning.

It haunts me. No matter how much I try to run away from it, to try to forget about it, it always finds me and plagues my mind with the replays.

Thump, I heard that night. But I didn't get up to check out the sound. Instead, I stayed in bed telling myself I was paranoid and nothing had happened. I was so fucking wrong.

The memory is more detailed than it should be, more point of view than there should have been. It took me to the view of what happened inside. Inside the cage where Jeff fell to his predicted death.

He's swaying with his feathers ruffled up messy. He's blinking, trying to sleep but he can't balance himself on the wooden perch anymore. The other birds are asleep so they can't aid him, not to mention it being dark. They don't know what's happening. Jeff doesn't know what's happening. A cold shudder takes over his body and he starts shivering, attempting to retreat into the warmth of his feathers but it isn't working anymore.

Things become hazy and with one more unbalanced step, plop, he falls to the ground. There's nothing he can do. It's cold, everything is numb. He can't feel anything as the life drains away from him. Eventually, he's dead. Jeff is dead.

If only I was there to comfort him. I could've helped in some way… Maybe help him pass away while he was surrounded in the warmth. I could have hugged him, given him one last kiss before his goodbye. I didn't get to, and I regret every moment not checking the cage when I heard something.

He was something precious to me. Though my aunt makes fun of me for treating him like my son, the thought doesn't deter. I love him with every fiber of my heart. He was my baby, my everything.

It haunts me eerily. It's been 5 days since his death. I put on a smile, treat my other birds with love and tell everybody that I'm okay, but I'm just fooling myself along with the others. I'm not okay. I still miss him and want him back. I want to cover him in kisses and cuddle with him. I want to just bury him in my affection until i'm satisfied- but the reality remains; I can't do that.

I stay awake right now sobbing silently as I type this. The headache is steadily coming but I held it as many tears as possible so it wouldn't end up with some massive headache in the morning. There is a possibility but I will need to get up for school. I'm not fond of missing class anymore especially since I'm four months away from graduation.

I miss Jeff so much. Rest in peace, my sweet baby boy.

Jeff
Somewhere early in the year 2013- February 9, 2017