Words We Could Never Find

Four

One of the things I will never forget was the time we were on the brink of falling apart. Do you remember?

That day was memorable not because a lot happened. I remember it perfectly because of how it ended.

Kind of weird now that I actually think about it. But then again, we were never normal to begin with, now were we?

~~

Julian was out of it.

It had already been a few days and even though he tried to act normally, I could see right through his act. Something was wrong.

I knew he wasn't saying anything because he doesn't want me to worry but he's forgetting how observant and persistant I am. He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. I try to make eye contact with him but he looks away.

I mull over this while I sat a few chairs behind him in our only class together for this semester.

The professor dismissed the class and before I could even react, Julian was practically flying out the door.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I know that he had been distant these past few days but this is certainly a first.

I'd like to think that he forgot we had a subject together since this is the first time this year that we did. It was highly probable, sure, but I can't help but feel a little hurt.

Julian had been wonderful and he still is but I can't fight back the uneasiness I'm feeling.

It was our University's annual sports festival this week so it was a very hectic time for everyone. I've been seeing less and less of Julian as it is and he's fleeing scene only made me more anxious.

Was he getting tired of me? Why? Did I do something wrong?

I push that thought back. I did nothing. I mean, I don't think I did. I already said I love him a few months back.

I admit that I still can't say it freely. Heck, I've only said it once, and it was the day I first said it. I'm such a terrible girlfriend, I know. But it's not as easy as it looks!

I sighed, feeling hopeless. I can aways talk to him instead of letting my negativity take over. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

My goal this week is to talk to Julian. I have to talk to him before the sports festival ends.

~~

I am huge failure.

I never got the chance to talk to Julian and it was already the last day of the sports festival. The day will be ending soon and I doubt I'll get to talk to him since he'll be playing in the baseball game and it won't end until at least 9 o'clock. I have to get home by 8 because I have to drive aunt Gina back to the province and I'll be staying with her there until Sunday evening.

To say I was feeling utterly depressed was an understatement. Why was Julian ignoring me?

Yes, ignoring. He was no longer just avoiding me, he was also acting like I was away on some far away trip halfway across the universe. Trust me, I've tried talking to him. That's all I've been doing the past four days and it had been very difficult. I had to keep myself from breaking down every time I went home without progress. I wasn't good with this and I'm an overly-emotional person. I cry over small things.

Brianna's always comforting me, even though she doesn't know what my problem is. I've told no one. Not even her. But she was still there for me. She knows that it has something to do with Julian and for her, it was enough information. She tried talking to him but he just avoided her as well.