Heartlessly Insane

Split

I slowly crawled out of bed as not to jostle my already aching organs, and walked slowly to the bathroom and opened up the medicine cabinet. I pulled out my black velvet box, my orange bottle, and my two travel size vodka bottles. I set them next to the bathtub and started the water. I turned it on as hot as I could stand and stripped down. I sank down slowly into the steaming water and closed my eyes as tears, once again, ran hotly down my face. I took a deep breath and wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. I waited on the tub to fill most of the way up, as I grabbed the vodka bottles and the orange bottles. with shaky hands, I opened the orange bottles and poured out six white circles into my hand. I then placed the bottle back onto the floor as I proceeded to unscrew the caps from my special syrup bottles. I let a few tears roll down my face before I tilted my head back and let the pills fall into my mouth. I then chugged the special syrup to wash them down, then drank the second bottle. I tossed the empty bottles into the trashcan that was right beside the tub. I grabbed the black velvet box and laid down in the tub and let the water come up to my neck and letting my knees and thighs rise from the water.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

I slowly opened up the box and pulled out a metal demon that gave me release from all of my problems. I dropped the box on the outside of the tub as I held the metal in my hand. I stared at it, contemplating. I shouldn't be doing this, but I know that it will make it feel better. I would rather go through more physical pain, than go through more emotional pain that I was already in enough of. I held the blade to the clean spots on my hip bone, and clenched my teeth and eyes closed as I pressed down as hard as I could and flicked it across my skin. I immediately breathed out an expressive sigh of relief, as I felt around on my skin for another smooth area while keeping my eyes tightly shut. That's all I did. Eyes closed, search, press, flick, repeat. I did this several more times and then moved to my arms. I was too afraid to die to flick the metal cat tail across my forearms, so I moved up to my skinny biceps. I repeated my steps from before. Eyes closed, search, press, flick, repeat. When I was finally satisfied with my dirty, but oh-so-satisfying deed, I opened my eyes. The bath water was filled with a red, paint like substance. The hotness of the water combined well with the blood and I watched as they became as one with blending. The final color of the water was bright red. I could feel a slight stinging in the concave marks I had made on my body. I smiled as I felt peaceful and began to drift off to sleep. I was a girl with split skin and a broken heart. I guess that's all that I would ever be..