Life Meet Death

prolouge

There are things about depression that people don't realize. There are stereotypes that are true but thats not all that there is. There are so many other things to take into account when you have depression like the fact that sometimes I am happy truly happy or maybe the fact I don't take my depression out physically. People don't understand why I'm depressed because I have a quote 'perfect life.' My family loves me, we have steady income and nothing was hard about my life but it's different. I struggle with things that normally people wouldn't and it's hard because this isn't physically taxing but it is mentally and it's crazy cuz I never thought that I would be the person to think about that. I was not that person but now I am. people don't take me seriously because I don't have physical scars they don't think that I'm telling the truth because all they see is when I'm smiling putting up a facade. They don't take me seriously because I am young, to young but you'd think the people closest to you would be the one trying to make you feel better they wouldn't be the ones pushing you away ignoring you because you're quote 'lying'. But they are. They have no respect because that's not what they want to believe they want to believe that you are happy that they don't have a friend who's mentally ill they don't want somebody in their life that could poison their minds because I know the truth and I know reality but they don't. I had so many people who loved me but then I became ill but nobody believed me when I missed school, when my grades went down all because I wasn't physically ill. Do I really have to be physically harmed for them to realize how serious the situation is? There are so many things that are happening in my mind that would be excruciatingly painful and you'd feel so weak if you experienced the same but you don't and I do that is why  I want to die.

My life was nothing special. Ofcourse I had my moments but nothing really stuck out. I had hardly any secrets and I never went around looking for trouble. I was kind of boring honestly. But somethings never change, except that when they do everything changes. 

I liked to think that there were somethings that were special about me. I was good at music but not special, just mediocre. That's just about it other than my unoriginal passion for the written word. Then again nothing special.

Scince I'm not exciting or adventurous or anything like that I don't know why I'm doing this.

What is this? You may ask. This is my story. The story of how I almost lived and how I almost didn't.  It's really a tale of insufficient success. A story about how I really can't do anything right. Whispers in the night how not even the person who wanted to end things the most... just couldn't. It's shows you how unable I to finish things. Ecspecaily intros that should have been short and sweet. Just like my life.