Finding Joy

Introduction

It all started the first time we met, we were in music class. It was a warm sunny day but instead of playing outside with other children my Mother had me cooped up in a music house practicing my piano and singing. My Mom told me to stop playing for a second and then I saw her. She was just standing there she gave a small wave. I waved back and gave her a small gentle smile. I had never spent time with someone my own age that would have meant I had never had friends. Then my Mother told me to keep playing and I continued to play. I could feel the girl still staring at me she was just watching me play. My Mother was watching and listening for every mistake that I made. We would go there everyday for hours on end until I played what she wanted me to play absolutely perfectly without a single mistake. The girl just stood there probably because she didn't want to interrupt ,and she didn't want to stop us for a second because she didn't know if it would be rude.

I finished the piece I was playing and started playing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider". My Mom put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed my shoulder and said "How about you play the more challenging one the one we have been working on." She said that with smile on her face. A tear came down my face and I wiped it away as fast as I could. What could I say I wasn't even ten years old yet and she made me so nervous. She was forcing me to have a talent. The only reason why she was was to show it off to her friends like oooh look at what I made! I started playing "Fur Elise" and I made a mistake and she wrote a tick mark down in her book. I started crying again and my Mother said "No that's alright keep playing sweetheart." She patted my back and I shook my head. I pulled myself together and I started playing "Fur Elise" again. When I looked back the girl wasn't standing there anymore.

When I finally got the first parts right my Mother allowed me to have a break and as I was leaving the room she said to the piano teacher "She's gonna get it right she will get it right." I went to the kitchen and said "Excuse me ma'am ... but.. could I have a snack and some water please?" The kind lady working there then replied "Of course you can sweetie." After that she handed me a pack of peanut butter crackers and a small bottle of water. I looked up at her and said "Thank you ma'am. " I gave the kind lady a smile and she smiled at me back. I then saw the girl again and said "Oh hi there!" I sat down next to her and she said "Hi." She was eating some fruit snacks and she had a bottle of water. She looked over at this tall woman sitting next to her and said "This is my Mom." I got nervous and scooted back and said "H..h..hi." The girl's Mother smiled and said "Hello there sweetie how are you?" I replied "I'm fine ma'am." The little girl's Mother said "What is your name?" I looked down at the floor and said "Ma'am my name is Joy... ma'am." She said "Wonderful this is my daughter Elizabeth."

Elizabeth smiled and waved and said "Hi." Elizabeth and her Mother looked wealthy. They were well clothed and very neat. Elizabeth wore a light pink overall dress with a short sleeve shirt underneath. Her hair was a dark brown color and was thick and long. Elizabeth was wearing black Chuck Taylor sneakers with her outfit. Her Mother was wearing a causal summer dress with flats she also had perfume on that made her smell like freshly picked roses. I gave a soft smile and Elizabeth's Mother said "Sweetie aren't you hot in all of those clothes?" I was wearing a thick black hoodie that had been zipped up completely. I was also wearing a long sleeve shirt underneath and some heavy jeans that completely covered my legs.I was wearing a pair of black ankle boots. I had also figured out how to braid my hair and put it in two braids so that it wouldn't be in my face. I hesitated and said "No no ma'am." Elizabeth's Mother said "You can take the hoodie off." And I said very quickly "No no ma'am I'm good."

Elizabeth's Mother looked confused and she said " Where's your Mother are you cold?" I was sweaty and nervous. I started to have a hard time breathing. and she said "Joy... do your parents hurt you?"She was assuming since I was acting so nervous that I was covering up scars.I started to cry and I said "Oh no... Mommy is going to be mad.. she said not to tell people." I closed my eyes tightly and held my arm. Elizabeth's Mother said "No it's okay Joy..she didn't mean me... so you can tell me.." I looked both ways to make sure everything was safe and I nodded my head. I cried harder than I originally was and took the jacket off of my shoulders showing bruises and belt marks and whispered "Can you help me please?" I put my jacket back on and then continued by saying "My Daddy t.. he touches me." Elizabeth's Mother said "Okay okay calm down Joy." I whispered so she was the only one able to hear"I'm not lying Ms. Elizabeth's Mom they hit me and my dad... did the things people do to... make babies.. to.. me... not one time... but more much more." Elizabeth's Mom said "Oh no okay I can help I'm going to help you hold on."

My Mother realized that I had been out there for too long. She came around the corner and said "Joy it has been more than 15 minutes get back in here we are going home soon!!" I started crying harder and I buried my face in my hands. Yeah so that night I didn't go home with my parents and they were arrested for being abusive. When my Mother was being taken away she groaned in frustration and said "What have you done?! They are taking me away from you!!! Don't you love me?!" And I responded with my eyes full of tears "Yes Mommy yes Mommy I do love you!!! The question is do you love me?!! Can you say that you love me?!!" Then she said "Yes I do!!" And I said "Well you and Daddy are not acting like it!!!" That was the last time I saw my biological parents.

And let's see I was put into the foster system. I remember that black piano they had at the foster care house. I played it everyday. Not because I felt like I was still being forced to but I pushed back the memories of my parents. I was there for a good amount of time before the interviews with possible parents started. The interviews weren't always the best some people refused to see me because oh I don't want a child of her race and oh I don't know how to deal with an abused child. But one day these perfect people came in and their names were Sarah and James. They were very kind to me. They were very patient and at one point the nice lady said "Listen Joy you don't have to play the piano anymore if you don't want to if it brings back the pain you don't even have to sing.... you can do what makes you happy." Then she gave a sincere smile. They were perfect. Now I had two new parents. They weren't of my race but that didn't matter the only thing that mattered is that they truly loved me and I truly loved them back.

Once I was ready and mentally prepared for school again I was quiet and shy and people picked on me because my parents weren't my biological parents. Yeah that was a struggle. But gee I remember this one day we were learning a song in music class. Ms. Sunny said "Alright guys you can take a break." Then two of my bullies went over to the piano and started pressing random keys. I liked to listen to music it calmed me. I then slowly got up and walked over to the piano. I had an angry expression on my face. Then Ms. Sunny said "Guys stop pressing random keys!!" They looked up at me. One of them said "Well isn't it the little freak that even her own parents didn't like!" I paused my music and I said "Why don't you move over?"The same bully said "What are you gonna do if I don't kill me with a watermelon?" This was supposed to be funny because I am half African American. My Mother is Korean and my Father is African American. I wasn't at all amused. They laughed and I pushed them over and sat down and they said "What the heck!"

I cracked my knuckles and took a deep breath and I looked at the keys and heard my Mother's voice in my head saying "Don't mess up we'll be here all day if you do. Let's show Daddy mess up ten times and you'll have to answer to Daddy!! I shook it off and started playing and singing "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes and they said "Ha is that all you can play?!" And I looked up at her and started playing "Pachelbel's Canon In D Major" Ms Sunny stood up in shock. The bully said "Whatever show off you can't do anything else freak." Then I stopped playing and she said "Did I finally break you? Did I hurt your..." then I interrupted by starting to play again and I sang "And I will always love you and I and I will always love you I will always love you yes I will always love you." Then I stopped playing and one of the bullies passed out while the other one and the rest of the class stared at me.

I stood up put my headphones back on. I pushed in the piano stool and went back to my seat like nothing happened. I turned my music in my headphones back on. Later that day my parents were called to the school. Ms. Sunny wanted to talk in the Principals office. We were in the principals office when Ms. Sunny said "It was absolutely incredible absolutely amazing!! Joy can sing and possibly play piano better than I even can!! She is so talented I couldn't believe what I saw!! How old are you sweet heart?!" I was still listening to my music. My Dad tapped on my shoulder and said "Sweet heart." I took my headphones off and looked up and the principal said "How would you like to be in our school talent show?" My eyes widened and I breathed hard and I started gasping for air. And my parents told me to breathe and my biological parents voices in my head were saying "BE PERFECT YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!!! THAT'S IT GO WITH DADDY!!"I heard my own voice screaming in agony My nose started bleeding and the principal said "Oh god here give her this." The principal handed my dad a tissue. He held my head back and held the tissue up to my nose. I was still gasping for air when the principal said "I'm so sorry you don't have to enter we were just suggesting it!!"