Dismay

Chapter 1 : Repeated

I grinned as I dragged my finger across the tip of the blade."I guess I went a little overboard."I kicked the shredded corpse.As soon as I turned to around I saw her.Sam, her face was filled with fear, her eyes darkened by the true horror she could have witnessed.Was she really that shaken up by what had happened?Did that guy really scare her that badly?No.I wonder if It wasn't what he had done to her that has left her in this state of pure fear.I looked deeper in her eyes and asked her what was wrong?As I tried to put my hand on her shoulder but she stumbled back looking at me in a way I never seen before...well not in a while I guess.Then the truth finally reached me.The reason for her trembling was me.I had just murdered someone.I wasn't thinking when I did it I just heard Samantha screaming and ran towards the her.As soon as I saw him pushing her to the ground rage just boiled up inside me and as soon as he looked at me I charged towards him and started beating him to the ground and that was all I could muster from what I had done.I backed up and dropped to my knees and looked at the ground. I had done it again, I had seen that same fear in my sisters eyes years before when I had our parent's blood on my hands.I tried to be someone different after that, I tried to forget about that moment and my sister for years.But here I am in the same situation but now I had let my friend see the darkest things I could do to a person all because I was trying to protect her.I couldn't even remember stabbing the guy but I knew the knife wasn't his.We both sit there silently in for a brief moment.Sam finally musters enough strength to talk to me."W-Why?Why did you kill him....Why did you have to kill him!?"she started to raise her voice."Sam I was trying to save y..."I stopped as soon as I saw her eyes.She slowly stood up and turned around."You weren't saving me Rizo. You were killing him and you didn't stop..."Tears started to pour down her face as she continued."Even after he couldn't move any more you didn't stop."I stared at the ground again and sighed."What does it matter to you whether I killed him or not ?Was I suppose to let him hurt you?"The words that came out my mouth weren't even given a second thought."You think I care if this bastard dies or not!?"She held my shoulders tightly and looked me in the eyes."I care what killing a person does to you!"I was confused at what she said for a moment."Rizo...you didn't seem like you when you where beating him...or after that...you were someone else with no heart who only felt hatred towards another."Her grip on my shoulders started to weaken."I don't want you to turn into that type of person, I don't want to see you go down that path."I took her hands and held them in mine and started speaking."I am sorry I don't know what came over me Sam."I lied my left hand gently on her cheek and tried to smile."But you don't have to worry about me changing. I might fall into the darkness every now and again but you will always be my reason for coming back."More tears rolled down her face and and I just hugged her. It was the only thing I could think of but at least seemed to calm her down."Rizo?"she wiped her tears on her sleeves."Yeah what is it?"We should get out of here before someone sees all this."She backed up and held out her hand.I stood and held her hand tightly.We stated walking down the dirt road "Sure,its getting chilly out here anyways."I was glad that she wasn't scared of me anymore.Though what she said to me replayed in my head till we reached the camp.