Galaxies Ahead

Chapter 2

He rolled his eyes at me, a mannerism he picked up from me during our first year together. 'This again? We're going to argue about my mother being with us?'

'Patrick, this is our holiday. Our vacation. Our romantic vacation. It was meant to be us two, our little adventure. Those are your words. I love you and I want to spend this time with you and only you. She isn't supposed to be here, not supposed to disturb us like this. Can't you understand this?'

'Anna...' he began, finally letting his guard down, leaning back in his chair with a sigh. 'I don't understand why she bothers you so much, why can't you just let it go and enjoy yourself here with me?'

'I can't enjoy myself with your mother lurking behind my back making sure that our personal relationship is perfect because all three of her husbands cheated on her perfectionist ass' I raised my voice ever so slightly and from Patrick's facial expression, I immediately regretted it.

The thing was, he was a mama's boy. He was such a mama's boy that he protected her at any time and at any cost, and so whenever I tried to say something about her, anything really that doesn't praise her in the bright light of goodness, he would automatically argue me wrong and try to convince me so. It was easy to see that I was getting majorly tired of it.

It's not like I didn't like her because I did, I very much appreciated her and everything she's done for me but she gets a little too personal with her son's life. Patrick and I have never really had a proper screaming-at-each other argument because in the four years we have been together his mother taught me how to behave like a rich girl.

I was taught how to look down and smile, and talk out problems rather than destroy relationships with arguments. And that's amazing, I'm very thankful for that. But she won't leave me alone anymore because she wants to make sure I won't make any similar mistakes and ruin the whole relationship, which I had learned she planned all along.

'I'm not going to argue with you.'  He spoke sternly, raising his pointer finger and shooting it at me when he spoke.

'Look, I'm sorry. I really am... but I can't do this without addressing it. I know what is going to-'

'-No, I'm not doing this. You know what, you've pissed me off a tiny bit. You really have and now I understand why you always want to shout at me.' He cut me off with harsh words.

'Patrick, I hardly ever want to shout at you and you know that...' I waited, bit my lip and looked at him. 'What are you trying to do?'

He looked up, rolled his eyes and hit his back against his chair. He suddenly began doing a series of things he usually doesn't do; acting rude, pushing his fingers into the brim on his nose and sighing heavily. 'I'm tired of your...shit. I'm tired of pretending. I just, I have a few things I haven't told you and I'm contemplating telling you now.'

After a long silence, I was the one to speak. 'Patrick, you can tell me anything you-'

'I'm not going to sit here and pretend like everything is perfect. I want my mum to be happy, and she's only happy when I am, and I'm not happy with you. It's not to say that I don't love you because I really, really do but I feel like I can't be with someone who thinks of my mother so badly and who, excuse me, doesn't really fit with this family.' He spoke gently and slowly now.

Another silence. His eyes said sorry but mine were blank as I tried to read his face and figure out if this were a joke or something of a similar manner. Nothing. Just guilt.

'I can't... I don't think I know what you mean...' I paused. Silence was the easiest thing to maintain right then, but I knew I had to say something. I simply didn't know what.

'My mother got us this flight for me to, I suppose you've already guessed-'

'-propose... yeah I knew about that' I interrupted, my eyes most likely presenting worry.

'Yeah, I don't really...' he looked down, he genuinely looked quite sorry. For some odd reason, I wasn't bitter, I wasn't angry or shocked. I felt as though this was what his mother secretly wanted, as though this was supposed to happen. I nodded my head, somehow that was all I could do.

I put my cutlery down, stood up, took off the necklace and walked towards where he sat. The jewels playfully slid between my fingers as I fidgeted with it before reaching his place. I placed it carefully on his navy napkin that lay peacefully on his left side. He took my hand as I tried to slide away slowly and pulled himself up to his feet.

'I don't want to hurt you, I hope you know that. I hope you know that I definitely love you but I'm just not as ready as both my mother and I thought I was. I'm so very sorry.' He refused to look at me by now, his eyes shifted to the falling sun that had begun to sink even more into the sea. I simple nodded. What else could I have done?

And then, took my small bag, smiled at him faintly and without another word, I left.

And to this day, I regret not talking further, I regret not making this a big deal and I regret not shouting at him to make him understand. This was the most regretful moment of my entire lift.