Ten Funny Stories Complete Collection

Dog Ballooning

The young man glanced in the window of the barbershop. Those two old farts were in there again. He drew a deep breath and went inside.

Ben looked over his newspaper as the young man entered the shop. He nodded, and then went back to his reading.

Wally, clad in the same garb he had on the week before of blue overalls and red flannel shirt, nodded also as he came in. The young man wondered if it was the same clothing the man had on the week before.

Seldon turned the chair so the young man could sit and covered him with the cape.

"Same as last week, Seldon," the young man said.

"Will do," answered the barber as he readied his equipment.

Wally walked over to the window and watched as people went by. His eye followed a young mother and small boy holding a blue helium balloon. He watched as the pair stood on the corner waiting for the light to change.

"That reminds me of something Sadie Dawson told me last week about old Charley Banks."

Ben looked up from his reading and glanced at Wally. "What happened to Charley?"

"He had a little adventure with some balloons last week."

"What kind of adventure?"

Wally turned from the window, pulled off his cap and ran his hand over the bald spot on top of his head, and sat down.

A smile played over his face and he chuckled. "Old Charley got drunk last Saturday."

"Tell me some news. Old Charley tanks himself up every Saturday, and every other day, for that matter."

"He may stop drinking after this."

"After what? What the hell did that crazy old bastard do?"

"Remember that news story about the kid that tied a bunch of helium balloons to a lawn chair. The he got in and used a BB gun to shoot out the balloons to land the chair?"

"Yeah, I remember. Don't tell me old crazy Charley tried that?"

The smile on Wally's face expanded to a laugh. "Oh, he tried it, all right. With a different twist, though."

Ben allowed the ends of his lips to curve into a faint smile. "What did he do?"

"As I said, he got to drinking beer and watching television and saw that story. He figured he could do that. He went out and rented a tank of helium from the propane supplier on the outside of town. Then he cleaned all the stores out of balloons and cord string. He spent a couple of hours blowing up balloons tied to a lawn chair loaded down with ten concrete blocks. When he had enough balloons to start to lift the blocks he figured, it would lift him. The blocks weigh about sixteen pounds each and he weighs just a little more than one seventy."

"And so then he went flying."

"Nah, he had it in his head to start a new sport. He was going to call it dog ballooning."

Ben's eyes grew curious. "Dog ballooning?"

Wally gave a short laugh. "Yes, dog ballooning. He went and got that old hound dog of his."

"You mean that big, lazy, fat dog named Walrus?"

"Yup."

"That lazy pile of fur must weigh a hundred fifty pounds."

"Yup. He and the dog weighed more than the balloons would lift, so he figured that the dog would hold him down with no problem."

"Did he?"