I wonder if I'll ever find love, but I also don't think that's the life for me. I don't see myself in the arms of another, I don't see myself being looked upon as greatness, I don't see myself being loved.
I'm messed up and I know I am. I make reckless decisions and I am too much to handle.
When people get close I push them away and then get mad that they're gone.
When people say they love me I become suspicious or I start crying because I'm grateful someone actually cares for me.
When people talk to me I put on a face cause I know my actual personality isn't desirable.
When people get close I get afraid and I never allow it, but I wish for others to figure me out anyways.
I watch my back too much that I forget to look at anything else.
I'm so scared that I'm unlovable because of what I do and who I am.
I'm so scared no one will love me and although I feel secured without love I also feel hurt and desire to be the light of someone's life.
Maybe it's too much to ask but I wish someone would love me regardless and let me be for who I am.
Maybe that's why I write romance stories that aren't realistic, maybe because I wish I had a love like that. I wish I had someone to be there for unconditionally like I am for others.
But I won't hear the wedding bells for me for as I'm too difficult to love and I know it.
