Empty Orchestra

The last dance (final)

...
Before screaming in pain,we rejoice in vain
After getting back up, we tend to fall again
Instead of keeping it together, we often let it go forever
 

There I am, lying in his arms
Ofcourse,He saved me from the fall
Doesn't he always? Then why am I so alarmed?

It's about to end, the dance
And along with it my time with him
I know that even if I begged him to stay,
He'd leave anyway.

One last time he holds my waist
For One last time I put my hands on his shoulders
Feels like I ain't getting any older

The music fades,
The light changes it's shades
It's dark on the stage,
The spotlight finds us,
Binds us, blinds us.
We hold hands, stand close, take a bow,
It's time for us leave now.

He said he was leaving.
I wish could speak, but I felt too numb
For a moment, you could bet I became dumb
I opened my mouth but words didn't come out
I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout

He was leaving, leaving again
A strange feeling spread through my body, An immense amount of pain
My head kept chanting the same string of words,
Please don't go. Wait.
Stay. Please. Just stay.

But i was standing still,
I couldn't move.
Helplessly,
I watched him pack his things,
I wish I could do something,
Anything.

My mind was exploding,
It kept saying,
Stop him.
He's leaving again,
He won't come back this time.
Stop him,
He's the only one who can heal the pain,
Ask him to stay, at least for a while.

Anxiety is not easy to deal with
It makes you feel like you are living inside a black pit
This wasn't the first time
I wish I had a glass of wine
This didn't have to rhyme

He told me he'd never say goodbye
Said he didn't like to see me cry
He turns his back on me
Almost as if he doesn't want to see
The pain on my face
As he quickened his pace

"No no no no no
You can't do this
You cannot
Don't go
Don't
Wait
I have something to say
I'm sorry
Please
Please don't leave me
Please stay
I'll do anything you say, I swear
I promise, you know I care
W-ait, p-p-lease wait"

He stiffened, but acted like he didn't hear
My snobs were terrific,the choking, the flowing tears

"Won't you at least stay for tea?
I'll make some for free.
I won't burn the house down
This is no reason to leave town.
I'll even feed our kids good food
Take them out to the park, I'll always be in a good mood
I won't make you mad
I'll be the best you've ever had"

He turned,
Smiled.

By now I was on my knees,
There were emotions all over I couldn't cease
I tried reaching out,
But nothing happened,
My vision of him kept becoming blurry,
But he just stood there, almost like moments ago he wasn't in a hurry.

"Wait. Why are you moving away?
You said you'll never leave me.
You said you'll stay.
Why'd you leave me all alone
This is not something I can face on my own."

His face started glowing,
Smiling,
He said the same thing he said when I last saw him
"But darling, I'll always come back to you"

I remember Crystal clear what happened that day
I had told him to runaway from me
Because I was too bad at cooking
And he said that as he smiled without looking
But I was only joking,
I didn't know what fate was provoking.

My vision started dying
I was sprawled over the floor crying
My shouts took a higher pitch
"NO
NO
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING
NOT TO ME. NOT AGAIN."

And just like that,
I was back in the small white room surrounded by four walls,
Two people holding me down,
They never fail to make me frown.

"WHERE IS HE?
HE WAS HERE.
I JUST SAW HIM.
THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE.
LET GO OF ME, I'M TOTALLY STABLE ."
I started howling on the top of my lungs,
They made faces like they didn't understand me
Why?
I wasn't speaking in tongues.

"Miss you need to calm down,
Please take deep breaths,
You are hallucinating again,
Please stop or it will increase your pain"
Someone whispered,as I kept trying to break free
Shouting his name, he was just here
I wonder why they couldn't see

They brought the syringe closer to my skin
"No no no
Please wait
He's waiting for me
I-I need to go see him
Please don't do this to me
I don't have much time
Listen to me
Please
I just need to see him once
One last time
W-wait
Please"
I kept fighting, begging,
Trying to come out of their grasp,
Each of their faces had a mask.
Instead of letting me go,
They held on to me tighter,
As a kid, I would've never imagined myself as a fighter.

"Miss.
You need to calm down.
Please."
They said again.

And that's when he appeared,
And everything around the room went quiet.
I saw him by my side,
I tried touching him,
But my hands were held tight.

"LOOK
LOOK HE'S HERE AGAIN.
PLEASE GIVE ME A MOMENT WITH HIM.
I PROMISE I WILL NOT TAKE MUCH TIME
AND THEN YOU CAN DO ANYTHING WITH ME, I WON'T EVEN WHINE
PLEASE LET ME TALK.
CAN'T YOU SEE?
I'M TALKING TO YOU,
STOP BEHAVING LIKE A TREE."
I kept trying to make them understand,
They just held me captive
The atmosphere was far from adaptive.

That's when he came close to me,
And whispered,
"Shhhh. Don't fight it. I'm not going anywhere. I'm always by your side."
My eyes lit up, almost as it never cried.
That's when everything stopped,
I was tired,
He was charming,

My vision was black.

The poem is based on a fictional story of a woman who lost her husband due to a car accident. He had left the house to pick the kids from school, and on their way back, he died along with the two children. The woman, not being able to handle the shock, faced depression, and eventually started hallucinating, to a point where she didn't stay normal anymore and had to be put in a  mental asylum by her parents.