Saving Myself

Chapter 5

The rest of the ride to my house was quiet, but it wasn't weird and awkward. It felt peaceful. We got out of the car and walked to the door. I unlocked the door and walked in. Camila looked around and took in the room. "It hasn't changed much has it?" "You never took down the picture with all of us." "Why would I Camz?" She shrugged and I walked through the living room to the stairs her following me still taking in my house. We walked up the stairs and to my room. I opened the door and she let out a gasp. "Lo, what did you do to your room?" "Well, I changed it. The girls haven't seen it yet, but I like it. It's empty like me." I walked in and sat on my bed. She just stood there shocked at my words. "Camz, are you going to come in?" "Yeah, sorry Lo." 

I patted the space on my bed beside me and she sat down. I grabbed my journal opened it to the day after it happened July 5th. Handing her the journal to read she took it and looked at me for approval to read it. Nodding my head she started to read.

*Flashback*

Yesterday was July the 4th and I went to a party with a person I met last week. I drank a little bit. I wasn't totally drunk, just enough to forget what happened. That evening I had a huge fight with my sister, Taylor, so I left and went to the party. It was a stupid fight. It was about the thing that made me start to change, the thing that made me feel like I was useless. She left us. She left me. Were we not good enough for her. She left us for something that everyone hated, the group of people who ruined lives and people's lives. She knew they were bad people, yet she just didn't want to stay an undecided forever. Not going to lie, I miss her being around and lighting the mood when everyone else was sad. Her smile lit up rooms instantly and  I miss that, but I didn't open this journal to write about her. I opened to write about what happened to me. I'm officially a victim. Last night someone took advantage of me. I was raped. I feel so violated and dirty like I'm no longer clean and pure. What hurt me the most though is who did it; Austin Mahone. One of the snakes, or better known to me as someone who broke one of my best friends Camz. He played her, and I think that he could be a reason of why she left. She became one of them and I was left behind in her past. I wouldn't be surprised if he took advantage of her, and that's what kills me the most.

*End Flashback*

After she read that she started to say something but I stopped her and flipped the journal to a date that also changed my life; two weeks from that day.

*Flashback*

I can't believe it. That jerk, that rapist got me pregnant. I don't know what to do about it. Should I abort it or keep it? I might keep it to prove a point. I don't know. All I feel lately is alone and depressed. I took everything that showed any type of life out of my room. I can't stand to look at it. It reminds me of my past. The worst part of it is none of the girls know because they are all on vacation for the whole summer. I wish that I could call up Camz and tell her, but I can't. She wouldn't answer anyway. Oh well, I've got to figure out what I'm going to do with this baby growing inside of me.

*Flashback over*

I waited for her to finish reading and I was pulled into a hug. What she asked me next I wasn't prepared for. "Did you abort?" A tear was rolling down her face so I wiped it away with my thumb and replied to what she asked. "No, I couldn't bring myself to. I find out what I'm having  some time in November." I laid down on my bed and she laid next to me cuddling into my side. "I'm sorry for leaving." "It's okay Camz." 

-LitKandle