I woke up...
In a dark room..
It was nothing but blackness and emptiness...
This my friends was the begging.
The start when my life started to fall apart.
It was a sign.
The message.
Of depression.
I ran to the bathroom and grabbed the scissors out of the medicine cabinet.
I put them upon my wrist.
And I sighed a sorrowing sigh.
And I stopped to think "what am I doing?!"
But I continued.
I put them upon my wrist and started to cut.
I felt the blood dripping down my wrist.
And I started to cry.
Thinking to myself what kind of human being am I?
I have always been this way...
Hiding my thoughts and my feelings behind this... Some sort of wall inside of me..
And when I let it all build up inside of me... I finally have had enough of it. I couldn't do it anymore. I decided to break that wall down and let the pieces crumble with my heart. "I don't know what I'm doing with my life" I whisper to myself... Because sadly its true....
The next day at school I walked up to my only friend I had so basically she was my best friend..
She seen my wrist and whispered to me "follow me" I did. I followed her behind the school and she said "what the hell is on your wrist!?" I tried to explain. I had the words I wanted to say inside my mind but they wouldn't come out so I stumble on my own words "I...um...its...uh..."
"Alice why would u do that to your self? Do u know what that puts me through!! It makes me sad that your hurting yourself.."
Sadly my best friend Selena was right but yet how would she know what I'm going through? Yet... She doesn't... she has always had it easy for her she has the perfect body... Perfect boyfriend... She's popular... And pretty.... And sometimes I wonder why is she even best friends with me? I mean...
I'm perfectly IMperfect and I don't have the perfect body... Nobody wants to date me... I'm a nobody... And sometimes my parents call me "pretty" but I know there all lies.
Why is Selena best friends with me?
It feels like she doesn't care for anything or anyone but herself.
Maybe she only wants to be friends with me to make me feel like I belong but... I don't... I never did feel like I belonged.
I have never had thoughts like this before... Until... Depression got ahold of me.....
I felt alone....
I only felt like I was hiding from something.....
It was the demons inside me....
They were the ones to blame....
Or.... Was I the one to blame no one ever made me this way....
Maybe I'm just mentally fucked up in the head.....
Or its just this damn depression eating me alive...
Its ripping out my soul....
And its turned to dust....
There's nothing left of my feelings....
Selena walked up to me with her boyfriend and said "hey" I said "hi..."
"Listen we need to talk....
Us?.... Being best friends.... Uhhh... Its not my thing.... It never was.... I only wanted to act like I was ur best friend to make you feel sorry for your self...."
Said Selena And then she laughs....
"So...wait...what...you..were lying to me that entire time U NEVER ONCE WANTED TO BE MY FRIEND YOU LIED!!! DO U KNOW WHAT I DID FOR YOU I STUCK UP FOR YOU!!" I yelled angrily at Selena.
"Well... Yeah but I never needed u... You were just a mistake waiting to happen... I'm sorry well not really because I don't talk to losers like you..." She got in my face "I never have and I will never be friends with a...NOBODY!" I tried so hard to hold back the tears... But it was just to much all at once it was all building up inside of me and the tears came loose
"Wow your such a crybaby haha"
Selena said that sarcastically and walked away from me her boyfriend... Star quarterback, hot, jerky, senior
Every single girl drools over him in my eyes I see a failure he walked up to me and spit in my face and then ran to catch up with selena and put his arm around her and they both walked off in the distance....
Maybe he is not the failure maybe the failure has always been me.......
I walked home in the rain...
Crying all my feelings away....
I finally got home....
And I ran to the bathroom...
And grabbed those scissors and started to cut and cut and cut and I never once shed a tear... I wonder why? Maybe its because I had no more tears left inside me because everything I have ever had is being eaten alive...by this depression......
I cut and dyed my hair black
I started to wear dark clothes and chokers and it became the new me I felt like this new me that has never been happy...
Never once laughed with a friend
Never once cried at the saddest thing.... And never once cared about a anything. the only thing I cared about.... Was well.... music.... I put my ear buds in my ears and I sing along and I get lost in the lyrics... Forgetting all my worries... Music helps me clear my mind.... To get away from everything.....
It makes me feel alive.
And I never have once felt alive.
So it was a good feeling.
I walked to school... And sat down at one of the lunch room tables... ALONE. and then out of no where this guy just comes around the corner and sits down with me.
"Hey is there someone sitting here?"
He was handsome short, black, slick hair and dark makeup and dark clothes.
"No... Its just me..."
And then he says "okai then"
And sits down next to me and I notice cuts on his wrist.
But I didn't say anything so I picked up my sandwich and started eating
"My names Josh" and he stuck out his arm
I stared at him.
Then said
"I'm Alice" and shook his hand
His grip was firm and attractive
"So what's up?" He asked me.
"Well.... Nothing really... I lost the only friend I have ever had well I guess she was never my friend she lied about the whole thing to make me feel sorry for myself"
I said with a sad face
"Wow... What a bitch she doesn't deserve u... I think you are the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen and she doesn't deserve your friendship"
Wait... Josh is the very first person who has ever called me "gorgeous" this can't be real this has to be a dream.
"I'm here to be your best friend Alice" he said with a smirk
"Oh....OK" I said back then something happened...I smiled....
And it felt good I felt wanted again... I didn't feel like a nobody anymore...
I felt like I had a purpose.
"Would you like to come over to my house later?" Josh said
"Uhh sure" I said back
"What's with the hesitation Alice?" He said and then looked at me with his bright baby blue eyes
I couldn't help but stare into his eyes they were dreamy.
"Alice?"
"Oh I'm very sorry I kinda zoned out and i hesitated because no boy has ever invited me to there house before...." I said
"Well I'm the very first REAL best friend and FIRST person to do these things with u" he looked at me and grinned.
I couldn't help but smile back.
After school me and Josh were walking to his house and he asked me
"What's some of your hobbies?"
"Well... I don't really have any... My only hobby is music"
"Ooh well what type of music do u like" he said swinging his book bag over his shoulder
"Well I do like metal" I looked at him and smiled.
"What type of metal?" He asked
"U know the basics Rob Zombie, slipknot those types of metal bands but Marilyn Manson is my most favorite!"
"OH MY GOD!!" he yelled
I jumped and yelled "WHAT!?"
He laughed and yelled "THOSE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE BANDS!! ESPECIALLY MARILYN MANSON!!"
"NU-UH!! REALLY FINALLY SOMEONE WHO SHARES MY SAME INTEREST IN MUSIC!!"
we both laughed.
We turned a corner and we ended up at his house.
It was a pale teal color with white shutters and a mini garden out in front with a tree back in the distance.
He unlocked the door and said
"Lady's first"
I started to walk into the door way then paused..
"Why'd ya stop" Josh said
"Because... This is a little weird u aren't gonna try to do anything stupid to me will you Josh?"
He looked down at his feet and said
"You caught me I was gonna Show you my awesome Alice Cooper poster I have on my wall BUT it would also be very unlikely and possibly rude for me to try to hurt my best friend right?"
He looked up from his feet and looked at me.
"True..." I said then I walked into his doorway.
His house was cold.
I felt a breeze brush up against my neck the hairs on my arm rose.
"May I take your bag and coat?"
Josh said and looked at me I thought to myself what a gentlemen.
"Of course"
I said and handed him my things.
"What a lovely home you have"
"Why thank you!"
Josh said.
He led me through his house
"This is my room"
He said opening the door
I walked in and i fell in love with his room its exactly what I loved I fell in love with his Alice Cooper poster!! I think.. I'm starting to fall for josh...
"I LOVE YOUR POSTER!!"
I yelled.
"thank you I have another one of the pale emperor album by Mr. Manson you can have it if you want?" Josh said.
"well...I can find another one its no biggy I'm actually in search for that album actually" I said.
"oh please I insist! Take it I can get another one" josh said.
"oh..OK then haha" I laughed.
"Its in the closet I'll get it for you!" Josh said as he was walking across the room and over to his closet "please have a seat!"
I started to walk over to his bed then I noticed something under his bed I stopped and asked "what's this?"
