Almost Feels Like Always (COMPLETED)

HUDSON (THREE)

MEDYO malayo ang pwesto ko mula sa table ni Mr. Theodore pero dinig na dinig kong nakikiusap si Autumn sa kanya na tanggapin sa klase namin dahil may conflict daw sa schedule na nakuha niya. Halos tawagin ko na ang lahat ng santo sa kakadasal na sana pumayag si Sir.

I let out a sigh of relief when Autumn smiled and thanked our professor. Inabot niya ang registration card niya tapos ay naghanap ng bakanteng silya. Naupo siya sa kabilang row, malapit sa pinto. Kainis. Ang layo sa 'kin pero okay lang, tanaw ko pa rin naman siya mula dito.

"Dude, baka malusaw." Natatawang iling ni Blake. Sinamaan ko lang siya ng tingin.

I didn't pick up any lesson in Literature. At all. Natatapos ang period na nakatanga lang ako kay Autumn, pinapanood ang bawat galaw niya. Sa halos dalawang buwan na mag-kaklase kami kahit kailan ay hindi kami nag-usap. Ni hindi siya sumusulyap sa direksyon namin. I doubt if she knows I exist. She probably don't even know my face. Ang dami rin kasi naming classmates. Ang kinakausap niya nga lang ay 'yung mga katabi niya.

"Tara na, H!"

I just looked at Dane blankly. "Hindi ako papasok."

"Na naman? Why?"

"May gagawin akong power point, eh." Pagdadahilan ko.

"Wow. Nagbago na ba ang ihip ng hangin at ayaw mo ng masilayan si Autumn?"

I sent him a deathly glare. "Go away."

He raised his hands in defense. He was laughing. "Whoa. Chill. Nakakapagtaka lang. Dati lagi kang excited. Fifteen minutes early ka kung pumasok sa Literature para lang makita siya. What happened?"

I gritted my teeth as I balled my fists while the image of Reese the fucker kissing Autumn flashed my mind. Wala naman akong balak sundan si Autumn noong araw na 'yun. Nagkataon lang na pagpunta ko sa parking lot ay nandoon din siya. I clearly remember how determined I was that very second to finally talk to her until that fucker showed up out of nowhere. They talked at aalis na sana talaga ako but he kissed her.

Fuck.

Kitang-kita ng dalawang mata ko kung paano niya hinapit si Autumn at hinalikan. I was so mad. I'm still mad to this day. Ang kapal niyang halikan sa Autumn pagkatapos niyang makipaghalikan sa kung sinu-sino sa clubs.

I hate that motherfucker. I hate Autumn for letting him kiss her. I hate her for staying with that cheating scumbag. And I hate myself more for being so damn jealous.

First time kong mag-selos, tangina, doon pa sa wala akong karapatan.

I prepared myself to really stay away. This time, for real. Handa na ako, eh. But destiny loves to play. And the devil wants to see me suffer.

"Excuse me?"

Nag-angat ng tingin sa babaeng nagsalita ang mga kasama ko sa mesa maliban sa 'kin. I continued swirling the fork in my pasta plate.

"You're Hudson, right?"

"Yeah." Tamad na sagot ko. Namimilog ang mata ng mga kaibigan ko habang hindi makapaniwalang nakatingin sa 'kin. My brows furrowed.

"Uhm... Pwede ba kitang ma-istorbo?"

That's when I realized something. Unti-unti akong tumingala. Halos takasan ako ng kaluluwa nang makita si Autumn na nakatayo sa tabi ko. What the hell? Is this—shit. My poor heart can't keep up with its fast pulsation. It's like my chest will explode any moment now.

"I'm Autumn, classmates tayo sa Literature."

Holy shit. Yes, sweetie, I know you. I fucking know you. But all I could say is, "Yeah..."

"Bakit ka absent no'ng Tuesday?"

Umawang ang mga labi ko. Is she really asking me why I skipped Literature? Bago pa ako makasagot ay nagsalita na ulit siya.

"Anyway, Mr. Theodore paired us together for our midterm project. 'Yung reaction paper. Absent ka kasi last time kaya hindi ka na-inform."

"Oh..." Crap. I can't find the right words to say. The look on my friends faces shouts disappointment and frustration. Nakita ko pa na kumibot-kibot ang labi ni Blake. He mouthed 'hopeless' as he rolled his eyes. Fuck them. I returned my gaze to Autumn who is now scanning her bag. Maya-maya nilabas niya ang nakatuping papel at inabot sa 'kin.

"Andiyan 'yung listahan ng movies and books na pwedeng pagpilian para magawan natin ng reaction." She smiled sweetly and my stomach fluttered. "Ayos lang sa 'kin kahit alin diyan kaya ikaw na lang ang pumili. Nilagay ko na rin ang phone number ko diyan so you can contact me para mapagusapan natin ang project."

"Okay..."

She gave me another smile. Nagpaalam na siya. Nang tumalikod siya upang maglakad na palabas ng cafeteria ay napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. Holy fuck. I just met Autumn. She fucking came to me.

Dear Lord, am I dying?

I don't know how long I was pacing back and forth, gripping my phone in one hand, thinking if I should text Autumn. I stopped and unlocked my phone. Tumambad sa 'kin ang messaging app kung saan may na-composed na akong text. My thumb moved to press send but changed my mind before I even touched the screen.

Shit. Why is this so hard?

Come on, Hudson! Magte-text ka lang! Tungkol pa sa project niyo! It's a piece of cake!

I bit my thumb, trying to analyze what would she feel about my text.

Well, ano bang dapat niyang maramdaman? It's a casual message.

But like, I don't want to appear too flirty or too eager. I mean—

Just fucking send the damn text!

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Bahala na! Pikit-mata kong pinindot ang 'send'. Shit! I can't cancel it anymore because it's already delivered. Mariin akong napapikit pagkatapos kong basahin ang pinadala kong mensahe.

[Me:]
Hey, Autumn. This is Hudson 😊

Fuck! I should've not put a blushing emoji at the end! I sighed out of frustration. Muntik akong mapatalon nang maramdaman ang pag-vibrate ng phone sa kamay ko kasabay ng pagtunog ng ringing tone. My jaw dropped when I saw Autumn's name on the screen.

She's calling!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

What should I do? I need to get my shit together! Hinawakan ko ang nagwawalang dibdib.

Alright, heart..calm down. We can do this. I heaved another sigh, composed myself, and cleared my throat before finally taking the damn call.

"Hello?"

Napapikit ako nang marinig ang malambing na boses ni Autumn. Oh, God... "H-Hey..."

"Hey! So, nakapili ka na ba ng book and movie?"

"Uhm..." You're doing good, self. Stay collected. "A-ayos lang din naman sa'kin kahit na ano. Ikaw na lang ang pumili kasi wala akong masyadong alam sa movies and books, eh."

"Well, would that be okay? Baka kasi ayaw mo ng mapili ko?"

No, baby... Let's settle with anything you want... "Okay lang sa'kin."

"Alright then. Kailan ka free so we can watch the movie together?"

Oh, shit. Now, this is the real deal. "Anytime."

"Are you sure? Wala bang magiging conflict sa sched mo? Sorry, ha? It's better kasi if we work on it together so we can brainstorm and exchange opinions."

Siya pa talaga ang nanghingi ng pasensya sa pang-aabala? Oh, baby... If you only knew. If you only fucking knew...

"How about this Saturday? Are you free?"

I have things to do, babe, but I'm gonna clear the entire roster for you. "Saturday is fine."

"Alright! So, okay na sa Saturday, ha?"

"O-of course," babe.

Shit...

***