Double Life

Age 16

I remember when I was turning 16 years old  thinking about about things I have done disobedience of my parents and bible...Mom told me after turning 16 years old you are now mature enough to start your family so I started going to church to please my parents Christian praying ways while I drink , smoke drugs to escape my mind from the life that I never wanted to live , acting holy spiritual with Bible scriptures when I know am da very sinner that claims to have love on his heart... Since I kneel down and start to pray I use to say 'God I'm confused why do I practice evilness while I say forgive me for my sins'... going to church every Sundays reading Bible almost change me, I remember when I was listening to Gospel thinking about God's love then my friend came unexpected and told me about one day off fun so I did turn off Gospel music n start praying to God , God today I'm going to drink alcohol n smoke drugs because I'm too young to pray n act holy because I don't know who wrote Bible and I don't think it's for me to follow a man who doesn't even resist.

I started stop listening to everyone include parents who did bring me to this Cold world , starting to sleep with girls without sex enough knowledge thinking condoms were meant for cowards, mom Christian ways rules after turning 16 you might be baptized in 3 holy scriptures names as follows 'the Father , the Son ,and Holy name' , I never wasted time on 1st of August when I turn 16 heard when you get baptized God forgives your sins and gives external life , so for me it's was a blessing to have Christian mom who never taught me about going to Traditional healer (sangoma in my language) she always says I know you live a double life but I will advise you to pray even you do wrongly to God but when you feel hurts trust in him...Since I baptized knew death is wat I have conquer till someone pulled poison to my beer wanting to see me dead