Six years ago in middle school, I was introduced to the whole "girl"
thing. I started to have feelings for my female classmates. I attempted to ask several of them out on a date with me. Almost all of them said no. After several nights of dealing with rejection, I felt that a new girl named Kate would be the one. Knowing that I had to be perfect when I asked her, I obsessed over it. I would write lists of words I would say and how she would respond. Now all I had to do was overcome the anxiety of asking her out. Looking back at how I acted, I can see that I was "girl crazy."
As my head bounced softly while I was drifting in and out of consciousness, I was jolted awake by the loud ringing of the second period bell. I packed my bag to the brim with work my homeroom class gave out moments before, and stepped out into the sea of students. Noises echoed through the cramped halls: low monotone talking of the students and new Air Jordans squealing as they glided their way across the floor. I finally set foot into the classroom, only three minutes late. The teacher was far into attendance as I slowly crept into class, hoping the teacher did not gaze in my direction. After taking a seat I started to survey the classroom to check if anyone had noticed my entrance into the class. As my eyes gazed across the classroom, they stopped. I found myself staring for an uncomfortable amount of time at my soon-to-be first crush.
I went home that day with thoughts racing in my mind. I could not stop thinking of her. Her hair was short, soaked red like a blood crescent moon. Her eyes where a light mixture of hazel with hints of green. With only moonlight shining into my window at night, I began to pick up my journal and write letters, ideas, and poems about how I felt at that moment. I did not sleep that night.
The next morning, I turned on my phone expecting a message from my crush: forgetting that I didn't even have her number yet. After getting into first period I thought to myself, "I need to get her number." Finally, for what felt like hours waiting, the bell rang. I bolted out of my homeroom and arrived in my second class with still four minutes left. I sat down where I thought my crush sat just the day before and waited patiently for the rest of the class to arrive.
After class with a little stutter in my voice I gave her my phone and asked for her number. As I walked away I looked down at my phone on my screen I saw underneath the contact the name "Kate" glowing. I was daunted by the simplicity, yet deeper meaning behind this name. For me it was not just a name, it was her name. For the rest of the school day I seemed to be in a trance. I seemed to be under a spell that was placed on me by the light glowing off from my phone screen.
Arriving back home, I felt like a champ; not only did I get Kates' name, I also got her number. During my excitement, reality hit me like a truck, "How would I ask her out?"
With the sudden terror of embarrassment settling in, I thought of ways I could change how this exchange would go. I raced to the glowing keys of my laptop and started to type in the resource of the internet: "How to ask a girl out." "How to tell if a girl likes you." These where simple ways to uplift my confidence of this decision I was about to make. Then I found the jackpot. A massive list of pickup lines bound to work, I snatched my journal off the night stand and wrote down the lines, giving off a childish laugh as I wrote.
The day had come. It was time for me to ask her out for a date. Everything was planned strategically: what I would say and in what order I would say it. My mother's car slowly rolled up to the front of the school; strangely earlier than normal. I stepped out of the car in front of the massive school entrance and attempted to go find Kate. As I walked up the stairs to the second floor of the school. I saw her, crowded around by her friends. I asked, "could I ask you a question in private?" Surprisingly she said yes, everything was going according to the plan. I slowly lowered my hand into my pocket and took out my journal, worn by the amount of abuse it had been through. Kate let out a little giggle as I opened to the page with my lines and recited one from the worn, stained book. She replied "Duh, of course I'll go on a date with you! I've liked you for the longest time now."
I was invigorated I felt accomplished and on top of the world. I did not just ask her out, she liked me back! Overcoming the anxiety I had about asking her out was a massive boost to my self-esteem, making my life just a little bit sweeter. The moments I had spending with Kate were my most memorable moments of middle school.
