If ...

Chapter 27

Read a/n at the end of the chapter

Kendall POV

"If you don't mind me asking , who is Andrew ? " he eyes me carefully

The knife who is permanently on my heart twist at sound of his name.  I look everywhere but at cristiano .

Should I tell him ? I mean he is just a stranger... right ?

As if feeling my uncomfortable state he says

" It's okay.  You don't have to " no judgment behind his words .

And the words tumble out of my mouth before I could stop them

"I want to " I say in a merely whisper

"But please don't interrupt me " I say and he nods .

" Uh I had a brother . Andrew " I take a deep breath

"He-he was my twin " I feel my eyes start to water and I blink rapidly refusing to cry again .

" One night after we have heard that our father's-who has cancer- donor died , Andrew  went out and got totally wasted. And zayn who was mine and Andrew's best friend had called me and asked me to come and get my drunk brother " I stop to catch my breath then continue

"We had a little fight while in the car and he said the exact same words you said this morning " I chuckle at the very strange coincidence. He looks ashamed and ... angry but doesn't pronounce a word.

"Anyways  he apologized and told me he loved just as I was about to tell him that it's okay and that I love him too ... " A shiver runs through my body and a tear escapes my eyes . I look down on my lap trying to compose myself again but a hand tilts my head up so I am met with eyes that are holding lots of emotions . And his thumb catches the tear that fell on my cheek and gently wipes it .

"It's okay ken . You're doing great if you want to stop just say it " he softly says . His face only inches away from mine .

I shake my head slowly letting him know that I can finish this . And he nods.

" A- a truck came out of nowhere and hitted us . I swear I didn't see it . It just came out of nowhere , it hitted the passengers side . I - if i saw it I would have turned the wheel or something.  But I swear I didn't and now Andrew is dead and it's because of me and everyone is blaming me including myself . Mom is somwhere in America , kylie my little  sister is taking care of herself and dad is in the hospital . Cara is leaving and gi spends almost all of her time at Zayn's because  he is the only brave one that had the guts to say what everyone is thinking to myself . Which is I killed Andrew. Me " Now I am a on full sobbing .

Why can't I stop crying !

Cristiano wraps his arms around me not saying  a word . He is holding me as if I'm a very fragile piece of glass that might break any moment .

Well , guess what I'm already smashed. Not just broken . smashed .

When I finally calmed down . I unwrapped myself from cris's embrace feeling embarrassed by his silence.

"I'm sorry I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore . I-I'll just leave . Thank you for ... everything you did . And i'm sorry " I said and tried to get up , but he held my hand and said " You are not going anywhere , and why would you think that I don't want to talk to you again ?" He asks in a soft voice but his eyes are full of anger .

"Y-you didn't say anything , a-an I -" I stutter

"I didn't say anything because I know I would have said something I would regret after . Hearing you blaming yourself for something no one can change and you had no hand in it is totally stupid . Yes I understand you feel responsible being the one behind the wheel , but do you really think that you might have changed what happened ? No you couldn't . Kendall people die everyday and others get born . Some at the age of seventy others at the age of twenty , some as babies . If no one died then life would have no meaning . Be thankful  that you had a brother by your side for twenty whole years and be grateful that he had the opportunity to live these twenty years . Some don't . So don't blame yourself for how does the universe works . If Andrew didn't die that night someone else would have died . Also remember that if he was still alive you  wouldn't be here in spain , you wouldn't have went to the bernabeu , I wouldn't have met you , you wouldn't be here in this right moment , and I wouldn't havee been able to do this " he whispers the last part and leans in until our lips tangle again .

And for the first time since andrew died I feel free from the guilty feeling I was carrying.

A foreign feeling makes it way to my heart.
I want to be with this man right here . But ...

"I'm sorry for being an asshole to you this morning. You are not who I presumed you to be ." He breaks the kiss and says .

Before giving me the opportunity to process his words he presses his lips on mine again.

Feeling breathless we both pull back trying to catch our breaths

"Let's have some sleep okay? " he whispers

"Goodnight ken " he kisses my forhead and heads for the door .

What are we now ? I don't know . But what I do know is that I want his embrace next to me. I need his warm .

"Stay " I whisper

He turns to look at me .

"Stay " I repeat .

Without a word he pulls the comforter next to me and lays besides me .

He pulls me next to him and I lay my head on his chest .

"Goodnight " he whispers in my ear

"Night" I say , drifting to sleep .

"Thank you for trusting me tonight " he says

"Mhmm" I answer entering my slumber state

"I'm sorry ken" is the lasy thing I hear before I finally lose contact with the world .

There is something about the way he said sorry that makes me feel that it's not about tonight nor about what he said or the way he acted.  There is something else behind it .

And by the way he said it I don't want to know why .

A/n: I am no fan of authors notes , but this kind of important , to be straight with you guys I wasn't going to update until summer , but I couldn't just stop writing without telling you . So here I am . I won't be updating until the end of the school year (there might be some chapters here and there)  but no promises . I hope that you liked this chapter and I'll be back before you know it ;)