Details

Rare Confrontation

At birth life started off difficult, From the mess in my head to my family's long term engagements. However my life has always been to my parents a distinct mistake, from all the times I went with my dad by the lake , to my mom wishing I would have"died in the womb for petesake!" My parents were embarrassed of the life that they had made for me, they're biggest travesty was that I could breath. What happens when your backed in a corner without the option to leave? You have to find away out. I always thought that no matter what I would love my family and I was wrong, some people even though they've been there the longest don't deserve the smallest part of you, let alone the biggest.

Incest, That't the shame they carried and still do. If anyone reads this there probably shocked saying "Ew" like I did. My grandfather is also my father. Hard to get the fucking family tree right when it zigzags. So how do you tell your child that they were a mistake? The answer is you don't. You just beat the life out of them as if you were just impaling them with a stake. If you've guessed already its sarcasm and what my parents did at the same time with really dumb rhymes. I can't tell if anyone will read this but if you made to this line you have made it far enough to know that this isn't a happy tale full of rainbows and sunshine. Its more like god making you a bowl of cornflakes and immediately pissing into that bowl of cornflakes. It doesn't get any easier. If you want to, save some time and read something more colorful and creative. If not, prepare for the shit- storm that is my life cause this is just beginning. 

Most kids don't remember what its like to be a under 4, I did weirdly enough. Only in certain spots almost like a bad nightmare that would never seem to go away. I was 5 when my memory really started to kick in. We lived on a farm which gives this story an interesting spin. My parents would work everyday all day from 4:30 am to 6:30 pm. Long days for people who hated being around there children, kinda fitted into place. We we're usually left with a baby sitter most days or locked in our room from morning to afternoon without food or water. It really was the best of times. Then the baby sitter got fired. 

This next part is fairly disturbing and wrong. My uncle was in charge of taking care of me and my two brothers from that point on. He was disturbed to say the least. The man use to fuck chickens and cows in his spare time, the drugs we're probably what made him to that but what came next was just to far. What he left with me is a permanent scar cause he went to far and there was safe place with the moons and stars in my head when I was dreaming in bed and even then they would turn and twist into something was just so so wrong. 

Rape- Child rape, 3 times I was molested by my uncle and each time i would bleed afterwords. twice in the bathroom in the house and once in the hay loft we're he was caught. My parents even though they hated me sent him to jail for this. He got four years in prison which he earned and everyday I hoped he had dropped the soap to feel what I felt. I don't wanna speak about this too much cause every time I do it, I feel a part of me drift into nothingness a loss of feeling of anything other than what pain has to offer. 

However, this is just the first five years of my life and all it had been was pain and strife. this ending is nothing but hollow cause it never seemed to get better. This is not of story but from my own eyes so as far I could see this what pain had brought to me.One hell of a chapter talk about such big topics no one usually likes to talk about. However, i'm so tired of keeping it all in like a flame burning my chest from within.I felt like it was time to talk about my life's translation. one of my biggest and extremely rare confrontations.