For You, My Beloved

Bilbo felt the tears cascading down his face as he stood far above the ground, in the same place his Beloved had nearly thrown him from mere days before. In his hand he clutched four sealed envelopes: one for his cousin, Drogo, leaving him his luxurious hobbit hole; one addressed to Gandalf, a farewell to his dear friend; one to the Company, pleading forgiveness from his companions he considered family; and one for Thorin. This one was the longest, apologizing for his mistakes, begging his forgiveness, explaining why he had taken the Arkenstone, and finally, simply to say "I love you," one last time.

The Hobbit falls to his knees, sobbing, as he allows Thorin to invade his thoughts one last time. He thinks of the dwarf's large, rough hands, hands that had once held him gently, gripping him by the collar and dangling him hundreds of feet off the ground. He imagines his lips, lips that had once kissed him lovingly and whispered "I love you"s in his ears, screaming at him, calling him traitor. He imagines the crystal blue eyes he had once stared so deeply into, and how they turned cold and hard with the Gold Sickness. He remembered everything and mourned for the love he had lost.

During the Battle of the Five Armies, he had run around the battlefield, killing orcs, wargs, and goblins as he went, looking for any signs of his friends. Luckily, everyone had survived. But Bilbo had still been banished.

The broken-hearted hobbit took a deep breath and stepped up on the boundary of the foundation, allowing his wooly toes to hang off the edge as he clutched the letters in his hand desperately, as if clinging to his very life. He began to speak in a hoarse, tear-thickened voice.

"My heart is a foolish old thing. It has fallen utterly head over heels with the most stubborn man in Middle Earth. And I cannot live without him. I love you, Thorin Oakenshield." And with those words still echoing in his mind, he allowed himself to fall forward, tears drying in salty tracks on his cheeks and he mourned his unrequited love.

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Thorin was sitting in his throne, doing paperwork and looking over reports, when Dwalin burst unexpectedly in.

"Thorin, there is something you must see," he announced urgently, almost out of breath. Almost.

The dwarf king, having learned long ago not to question his friend, stood immediately and rushed out the door behind Dwalin. They sprinted as fast as they could to the front gates, where the rest of the Company stood staring at something, all looking shell-shocked.

"What has happened?" Thorin demanded. Wordlessly, the Company parted, giving their king a full view of the morbid scene.

Bilbo, covered in bruises and bleeding badly from a head wound, lay cold and pale on the ground. Oin knelt over him, shaking his head sadly as he searched for signs of life.

Thorin felt the anger that had been twisting inside him melt away, leaving him horrified as he remembered what he had done.

"What happened?" he cried hoarsely. "What has happened to my hobbit?"

"He jumped," Kili murmured, his blue eyes bleak and wet. "One of the villagers saw him step right off the edge."

Thorin fell to his knees beside Bilbo and stroked a hand down his delicate face. "Oh, little love. What have I done?"

"'Tis not your fault, Thorin," Balin says gently.

Thorin shakes his head as tears trickle down his face. "It is my fault."

"You did a terrible thing," Bofur admits, "but we did nothing to stop you."

"He left us letters," Dori started, holding the sealed envelopes. "One addressed to Gandalf, one to Drogo, one for us...and one for you, Thorin."

The King Under the Mountain accepts the letter offered to him and carefully breaks the seal. As he read the heart-wrenching words, his eyes filled with fresh tears. He carefully folds the paper and puts it in his pocket, then drapes himself over Bilbo's limp body and sobs for his lost love.

Beloved Thorin,

My love, I wanted to start off with an apology. I never meant to anger you in any way. I only took the Arkenstone for your own good. I only wanted to save you from the sickness that had befallen your good heart. I tried to save you from your own greed, but I failed you. You deserve more than a lowly hobbit. You deserve someone of royal stature that matches that of your own. Which is why I have decided to do what I have done. I want you to be happy and I cannot make that happen. I would rather give my life for you to be happy than keep you by my side and see you miserable. I am giving up this life because life without you is like life without the Sun. A cold, barren wasteland without anything or anyone to care about, and that, my love, scares me the most. Do not shed your crystal tears for me, nor marr your beautiful skin, for I could not live with this even if I was already gone. I have done this for you, my wonderful King, the only love I have ever know, and I beg you not to let my gift be in vain. This is for you, my Beloved.

With the greatest love imaginable,

Bilbo Baggins

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Okay, the feels. I'm so done. Anywhore, this is dedicated to my Mags, who helped me write Bilbo's letter. Thank you, dearest. 'Tis a beautifully written letter.