Who Knows

The Boy Across Town

Has anyone ever had any luck on dating apps? I'm convinced they're plagued with the typical guys who want to trade pictures or just a casual hook up. I was naive to believe it was anything more than that. Perhaps there's people out there who really do meet their soul mates online but....Tinder is the pit of fuck boys and the story of the boy across town proves it. I was 18 when I met him. To make things easier, I'm going to refer to him as Charlie. I thought he was so charming with the way he questioned my cat facts when really he was just trying to tell me how wrong I was. Charlie very quickly became controlling and only after did I realize that. The second day of Charlie and I knowing one another, he joked about being my boyfriend and beating up some creep who groped me at a parade I went to. It made me uncomfortable but I ignored it. I ignored a lot of things in the next 8 months. Charlie lived an hour away from me and I didn't have a license at the time so my best friend would drive me to see him.
The first time we met I was so nervous. I was afraid of looking uglier in person than I did online or what if he was crazy and tried to kill me and my friend. But of course everything was fine. We sat and talked for hours and I thought he was a great guy. I honestly can't remember when I first realized he wasn't that great because it started so early. He would beg for me to send him "nudes" even if I didn't want to but I still did because I was afraid of losing him. Red flag. I stood up for myself one day about how I didn't want to be seen as just some sex object to him and HE got offended. Geez ya ask a girl for boob pictures all the time I wonder what else she would think *heavy eye roll*
I always had to be the one who gave my friend gas money when she drove me to him because conveniently he never had money...even though he had a steady income. Weird. So for 8 months I spent $20 to see him for a few hours of nothing but forced sex and disrespecting my wishes. I'm not going to get too into it because it personally makes me uncomfortable but bottom line, listen to your partner for fucks sake. If they don't want you to do something, DO NOT do it.
Fast forward a few months and he's my date to my mother's wedding, a beautiful event that I wish he didn't exist at. He met my family. He met my precious Aunt Rose who stained his cheek with her red lipstick. After the wedding my uncle told my mom he didn't like Charlie and had a bad feeling about him. I eventually told my uncle he was right. All of my friends didn't think he was good either and my mom voiced her opinion to me many times; "honey, if a man wants pussy he will find a way to get it" she was upset I was always the one going to see him and he never once made an effort to see me. My efforts only went farther when he lost his job and I sent him $40 to buy himself food. He only complained because it wasn't enough. I sent him another $80 to pay his phone bill and was about to send him $200 to pay off his car. I was so deluded. I thought by doing all of this it would mean he'd see how much I cared about him and he'd finally ask me to be his girlfriend. Yep! We were never in an official relationship and he made this very clear every time I asked about it. It's okay to not want to be in a relationship but it's not okay to make the other person abide by relationship rules while you do not. Red flag. He was a very manipulative individual and I could never say he hurt my feelings without it somehow hurting his feelings. I remember one particular argument where he called me a bitch and it was okay to call me that because I was acting like one after all.
My breaking point was the summer of 2015 when my hair started to fall out because of how stressed I was about the relationship. I kept worrying that I wouldn't have the $200 soon enough and he would get upset with me. My best friend saw me fall apart with this person and she always told me how I deserved better but I just never believed it. The first time I tried to leave Charlie, he instantly started talking about how he couldn't live without me and would just kill himself if I ever left. I was terrified and I started to become depressed. I was so incredibly unhappy and I felt trapped. We were constantly fighting because of this and SOMEHOW it was my fault once again. My fault for not being happy and not being appreciated the way I should have been. The final time I tried leaving him, it was successful...in the best way it could be? I stopped speaking to Charlie and soon after I got into a relationship with the biggest storm of my life. Charlie saw the picture of us on social media and he instantly texted me and said "You are a horrible person. Goodbye." He just proved even more why I made the right decision to leave him. I was deemed a horrible person because I did something good for myself for the first time in eight months. I never spoke to Charlie again after that but his words and actions towards me still affect me to this day and it's something I'm still working on. Needless to say, that was the end of my dating app adventures.