Who Knows

The Last Mile

So, Tina was Tony's ex girlfriend and I'm just assuming she was jealous of me being with Tony. I sympathized because I really would hate seeing my ex all over some girl every day and having it thrown in my face. She was never particularly mean to me or anything but we just avoided each other at all costs. Some immature statuses here and there but nothing that dramatic. I just didn't like her and she didn't like me. That's just a little backstory on Tina.
The night I really thought I was done with Tony for good was the longest night of my life. I was at work and sobbing to my coworker because Tony told me he was "already seeing other people" and that I should just move on already and he purposely was really mean to me for no reason. I blocked him on Facebook and messaged Tina. I asked her for advice and she was surprisingly very kind. At first. Rule number one: Do not trust your frenemies. She said she would pick me up and we'd get food together and just talk. I actually enjoyed laughing at every dumb thing Tony had said to us and all the lies and how fucking transparent he was. Then I mentioned I still had to get some of my belongings from his house and Tina suggested showing up to his house together and laughing at his reaction. Keep in mind this was Tina's idea. I refused at first because that was really petty to do but then I got angry all over again and agreed. We were both laughing the entire way to his house like giddy school girls because we couldn't wait to watch him shit his pants. I was on the verge of throwing up because of anxiety and adrenaline. Tina messaged Tony if she could stop by his house and Tony said sure. We pulled up and she got out of the car first and we planned that she'd bring Tony over to her car so I could pop out and say "Can I get my shit now?" And I did and I was shaking so horribly but it felt good. To watch any emotion drain from his face because of utter shock to see me standing there. He said "sure" and went inside. He gave me my stuff and I gave him his. We walked back to the car and he had the nerve to say "fuck you" to me but thank Tina for whatever reason. Even though us going to his house was her idea. As soon as I got home, I legitimately did vomit. Tony asked me to unblock him on Facebook and he sent me a message asking why I came to his house as if it was the worst thing I could have done. I was fucking hurt. I had been hurting for months on end and I wanted to hurt him and I did. I'm not sorry for it because I never once got an apology for the shit he put me through. It was even better to find out that Tina went back to his house right after to "hang out" so Tina is a prime example of: if you have a bad feeling about someone, trust it. Tony publicly bashed me on social media and made every one of his friends believe I was an abusive girlfriend when all I ever did was bend over backwards for him and he definitely didn't deserve it. I couldn't sleep at all after this because even if I felt good at the moment, I felt slimy afterwards. I stooped to Tony's low level and I felt disgusting. The next day I walked to Tony's house to give the rest of his stuff back and I'm surprised I didn't pass out on the way. I hadn't eaten in days because of my anxiety and when I did eat, I unwillingly threw it up because that's what happens when I'm anxious. We sat in his driveway for hours, mostly in silence until I had to vomit again and he just watched me. I think he liked watching me suffer. Eventually my best friend picked me up and took me home. I sat in my own driveway for a little bit until I decided to walk again because I didn't want to be home. Another friend picked me up from where I was and just spent time with me until I was too weak to even keep up a conversation anymore. I went home and cried again and took a shower. During this time I was extremely low. I could see my collarbone starting to poke through from lack of eating and my eyes were so dark and sunken in from sleepless nights. I've struggled with self harm since I was 13 and after almost 2 years of breaking free from the awful habit, it happened again. I have never been as low as I was during this time. My friends pleaded that I eat something, even crackers and one of them actually came over with chicken broth just so I could have something in my body. But somehow, even after all of this, we found our way back to each other but this was really the last time. It only lasted for a month or so of us dating until I slowly began to move on for the first time. It was officially over when he went to another state to visit friends and he did cocaine and had random hook ups with people. Oh and it was great when I found out he was trying to hookup with my friend behind my back while he and I were involved with one another! Tony is nothing like the person I met in 2015 and he has changed for nothing but the worst. He is a nasty manipulative person and I really hope no more people fall into that trap. Tony ruined the deepest parts of who I am but every day I'm getting better. There are details I don't think I could ever speak about, but they're always in the back of my mind. People view him as some innocent victim but he is very far from that. If you've read up until this point, thank you so much. I've just wanted to get this off my chest for so long and it feels so good to finally do so.